My New Bible.

What a friend I've found
Closer than a brother
I have felt your touch
More intimate than lovers

Jesus, Jesus
Jesus, friend forever

What a hope I've found
More faithful than a mother
It would break my heart
To ever lose each other
-delirious

Sometimes I wish I was a tad less blind and a little more receptive.

Mom got me a small new bible (after my gigantic one) and ever since, i've been more than engrossed with it. It's like reading it all for the very first time. Maybe i just like new books. Maybe i've just gotten accustomed to the color, the print of my old Bible - that a fresh look seemed more attractive to me. I don't really know.

But his love letters have always been the same. It's rock solid. And I? I, in comparison, am phoeckle and so very phoeble.

Yes, a new bible is a very poor reason to fall in love with him again, but it helped me remember, refocus and recharge. I may be ashamed of this, but it just demonstrates how truly beautiful he is.

Hebrews 13:8
Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today and forever.

It breaks my heart to think that he had waited for me every night at our local coffee place (.g. Olden Days Kopitiam), ordering a drink for two and my favorite dish (e.g. "Olden Days Sauce Chicken Rice") for us to share... the both of us. But i never would show.

I treasure every moment we spend together now. Like a desperate lover. Like I couldn't breathe without seeing him. Like i couldn't live without spending time with him, like i couldn't sleep without talking to him.

Because I truly couldn't.

He never did change. He still kept on loving me even when i changed. And i did change. Countless times. Comfortably switching loyalties, as if it were a game of monopoly.

Sometimes I wish I was a tad less blind and a little more receptive.

I could never forgive myself for leaving you hanging like that.... I don't even treat my friends the way i did you! How could I have claimed that I loved you? How could I? Yet...

...you forgive me and still love me.

Why didn't I see? Why was i cursed with this blindness?

My new bible had an answer waiting for me. John 9. There was a man who was blind from birth, begging in the streets and Jesus' disciples had asked him whose fault it was that that man was born blind. Jesus' answer?

John 9:3b
"...but this happened so that the work of God might be displayed in his life."

*chuckles* I sometimes laugh at how down-to-earth his love letters are. I was blind in my naivete, but I had to be. How then could he impress me? I will never be able to comprehend the depth of his love.

He uses my weakness - my blindness, as a chance for me to get to know him. He never took the opportunity to use it against me or derogatorily. He used it for his glory. My lover.

There's also the other extreme. I was blind so that he could show his healing. Where it simply displays his awesome power, his influence (his pectorals? *chuckles*). That he is able to give and also take away. My hero.

John 9:39
Jesus said, "For judgment I have come into this world, so that the blind will see and those who see will become blind."

He truly is amazing. And it's breathtaking to be in a relationship with him.

Sometimes I wish I was a tad less blind and a little more receptive.

I'm distraught today. I've lost my new Bible. I can't believe it's gone! All his letters to me, gone! Of all things to steal, of all things to lose. Gah.

I want it back. I need it back.

I'm meeting him tonight.