Friday, April 27, 2007
Intermission: Kelvyn Yeang is the band leader of the very successful, Ocean of Fire. I used to sing for them back in 2005. Now, they're back to being an instrumental band. They secured a good second place in the Asian Beat finals this year (yes, that's against other asian countries) and Kelvyn won the "Best Guitarist" label. Well, deserved. Nevertheless, Ocean of Fire is still Asian Beat's Malaysian Champions. They bagged the Best Guitarist, Best Bassist, Best Drummer titles in the Malaysian Finals. And the only titles they couldn't attain were because they had no vocalist or keyboardist. No kidding. *smiles* By the way, if you, for some reason, prefer videos over audio convenience on their myspace sites, check out this awesome Ocean of Fire video then!
Kelvyn is a great moral support and encouragement when it comes to my music. He's always interested and this really motivates me to go on writing stuff. Needless to say, I've been pretty reclusive about most of my stuff till lately. (And that's thanks to my best friend. He gives the best pep talks!) I have this thing of belittling the stuff that i do or come up with, i tend to answer questions for other people, without giving them OR my work a chance. I'm slowly breaking out of that shell. Nudge me if you hear me going down that whirpool again. *smiles*
But I digress.
I'm supposed to be talking about my recent composition. So anyway, a couple of weeks after my promise, I officially have a sketchy recording (that i had trouble controlling at first) to give Kelvyn, or anyone really, a basic idea of how my song, "Paper Aeroplanes" should sound like. And it was fun. Seriously. I really can picture myself doing this for the rest of my life. This is one of the only things that i am really passionate about (after God).
This recording starts immediately at the first verse (which means it lacks an intro), goes heavy into the chorus as if the song had alreay built up and was ending (hence the many layers of vocals), and then ends abruptly mid-verse 2. If you, for some reason, were interested in listening to my one minute's worth "demo" track, go here.
To those who haven't frequented my Lyrics Blog much (you fall into the same category, if you didn't before know such a place existed), here are the lyrics to Paper Aeroplanes.
Paper Aeroplanes (a work in progress...)
Music and Lyrics by Phoebe Lee Matthews
and i'm left envious
to fly, to
to where there
are no fears
where i can
rest in knowing
you are near...
i'm too afraid
i'm seeing red
instead of green
i'm feeling dead
i'm moving straight
when i should be
How can i breakaway
when everything moves in a wheel
Can i just step ahead
when everything else lays so still
i need to get to you
before i lose sight of
everything hoped for
and everything yearned for
yet i'm the same
i wish to be
that piece of white
heaving darkness to the light
Disclaimer: Yes, i played the piano and yes, i may suck like a vaccuum but this is just for people to get the basic idea of the song. The quality of the recording is not so good and i beg you not to give me a hard time about this. This song was also not meant for the piano entirely, but i can't play the guitar well....yet.
Thanks for bearing with. *salutes*
Wednesday, April 25, 2007
As an attempt to answer this befuddling question, we'd have to view the deal in 2 extremes. Fictility to a certain extent is definitely important, in order to acquire the much needed balance or equilibrium that we lack today. But fictility in excess, might cause the eventual demise of human variation. When we are ourselves, we vary. We're different. Fictility may (more often than not) influence us to be more saturated to the common norm. Hence, in doing so, we're unintentionally abdicating our usual bizarre multifariousness.
Monday, April 23, 2007
"You are beautiful."
"You don't understand - I'm dirty."
"You are beautiful."
"No, I'm deluged in my iniquity and I've hurt so many."
"You are beautiful."
"I've betrayed my friends. I'm selfish. I'm arrogant!"
"You are beautiful."
"I don't understand. How do you see beauty in my wretchedness?"
"I see who you're meant to be. You are meant to be beautiful."
"I'm too far gone. I cannot be beautiful!"
"Come with me. I will make you beautiful."
"Surely this is not possible. How certain are you?"
"Believe in me. Only I can. If you let me, I will make you beautiful again."
"Please. Make me beautiful, like you."
"But you are beautiful. Do you now believe me? I have always seen you as such."
"I am only beautiful because you are."
"You have finally come to, my beloved, my beautiful. You reflect me, and hence, you are beautiful."
You are Beautiful. Know that.
...was all I could see when Wednesday met Thursday. My timepiece indicated an incredibly foreign hour of the morning. Couldn't really understand my body's enthusiasm to meet the day. Neither could i comprehend why an ingenius and divine concept, such as sleep, could ever be this elusive. Pure in-
...is what I have in moderate amounts these days. A shame, that. 'Tis sanity that keeps most of us afloat, even in the most deplorable of conditions. And this very same trait, I lack. I dislike my insomnia-like moments with great intensity. It robs me of concentration. Retarded, i seem to be, for the better part of the day; and all thanks to the tiny men at war in my already delirious grey matter. Why all the strife, you ask? I'll never really know for sure, but i have some -
...Fulfillment, for one. I guess i'm never quite satisfied with each passing day. It seems like all i ever do is survive. Survive peer pressure, survive obligation, survive bureaucracy, survive iniquity. Next is wretched Conformity. To feel safe, to belong and all that balderdash. We've been taught to follow things blindly and we've all wound up stuck in waist-deep sludge. What a way to live. Barely...
...I sullenly watch as my fingers drummed the table in an unsettled fashion. Still uncertain. Did the waist-deep sludge around me ooze out from my very own pores? Or was it just there all along, waiting innocently for some poor cretin to step in it, yell a string of inaudible curses - break into melancholy song ( i.e. Nobody Knows The Trouble I've Seen) and contemplate suicide simultaneously, whilst painfully submerging into the bottomless, tar-like puddle at a disgraceful rate of one centimeter per minute? Either way, I only have myself to blame for being here. Nevertheless, everything in me, the very essence that survives me, cries out to escape the System, to be my own person, to be contrary; different to the reeking normalcy of today's stale-tuna-sandwich culture. Tiny men at war in my head. Conformity Vs. Individuality. The bugle has sounded. The battle is -
...The bold word returned my blank gaze. I'd been fumbling around in the dark and a bump or two later, the lights had flickered on, swallowing the darkness that once engulfed my personal space. I remained in the deafening silence, eyes still getting accustomed to the shocking brightness that now illuminated every nook and cranny. My finger, still on the switch, lay motionless; frozen-like; as I stood stupefied at the single-syllabled word: ON. Right below was it's regal antonym, in similar print. OFF.
...How feeble our faith. How feeble our lives. How great the Creator.
... was all I could see when Wednesday met Thursday, and when Thursday met Friday, when life met death, when train met tunnel. Just spaces void of -
... was all I could see as the tunnel approached its end - when life met eternity, when men met God.
Written January, 2006
Sunday, April 22, 2007
"If i was nearer to you, I'll smack you."
Stunned, I wasn't quite sure how to respond. So, i laughed and asked him, "What? You think I'm good enough?"
And then he replied, "I think it's healthy to strive for 'better'.... but I get tired of hearing that clause of I'm not good enough everytime...."
And I was quiet. For lack of words. Lost in thought.
He had to leave, so the conversation ended there. But I hadn't thought about it like that before. Can someone really get tired of you belittling yourself? Obviously, your intentions were different. You honestly felt that you could be a little better, strive a little harder - towards that ideal of yours.
But what if it were God who told me that? That He was tired of hearing me say that I'm not good enough? According to Ephesians 1:3,
"Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places in Christ,..."
The Lord has given me all my abilities and giftings. He is the author of all.
"For by Him all things were created: things in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or powers or rulers or authorities; all things were created by Him and for Him. "
So are my giftings really not good enough? Impossible! The Lord is perfect! Therefore, me questioning my abilities would then be an insult to God, wouldn't it? It's really important to remind myself constantly that it's all about Jesus and not about me. I need to worry if He'll be pleased with how I'm using the gifts, not how I feel about it. If friends or strangers affirm me, then I'm doing something right and should be motivated to continue using the gifts for His glory.
Of course I'm not encouraging big-headedness (though i must becareful in this area too). What I'm trying to do here is remind myself (and perhaps others) that God gave us the gifts we have now. The more we seek Him through His Word, the more better the image reflected, the more closer we are to Him. As we become more Christ-like day by day, He completes us, and the gifts we have.
Romans 8:28 says that all things work together for good for those who love Him and have been called according to His purpose.
So I'm going to just continue loving the Lord, focusing on impacting others and concentrating on what He has called me to do with the gifts He has given me. I want to stay positive rather than digress and distract myself with redundant worry that I'm not good enough.
Since God chose me, who am I to doubt His judgement?
Friday, April 20, 2007
(My best friend's favorite)
Written 24th February, 2005
Wednesday, April 18, 2007
The concept, drawings, and clean-themed humor are all product of Wes Molebash's (pronounced Molebashes? *chuckles*) creativity. It's the kind of comic that never leaves you in a frown. It's a burst of fresh air - like iced lemonade down your throat on a hot day. It's really laid back, and it's a perfect minute getaway from a tense day of work or school.
Another thing that makes his comic so enjoyable, is how much we can relate to it. Most of it is just down-to-earth, candid and simple stories; so well-put that they make you smile, at the very least. Wes runs a blog alongside (or underneath, to be precise) his comics, letting his readers/fans know what he's been working on, or what's inspired the day's comic. (He also posts on Twitter and he puts up his sketches and photos on Picasa.)
If you check out his comics often enough, you'll begin to notice that Andy(the main character of YHT) would have a shirt with a different band name on, almost every time. So yeah, that says much about the creator. He's a music junkie! Coooo. He's had a band before, i believe (they set up an account on MySpace for it too) and he guitars every once in a while. But I'm sidetracking.
Guess, what i'm trying to say is: "You'll Have That" is deliriously awesome! (okay, maybe i exaggerate) But if you think you'd like it, or if you're already a fan, show your love! Go Support!
Tuesday, April 17, 2007
If you stepped into a room, saw an awesome-propelling-spinning vehicle that your little brother just put together and exclaimed, "Terrible!" (yes, it has to be exclaimed)
It means "Super!"
But don't ever use "terrible" in a french sentence.
E.g. You take a french girl out and say to her "tu semblez terrible."
You'll get yourself slapped in the face right there! In English, that would've meant, "you look terrible", no matter how well your intentions. *chuckles*
Monday, April 16, 2007
The Backyardigans is an awesome kid's show! The characters are perfectly adorable: Uniqua the Ladybug, Pablo the Penguin, Tyrone the Moose, Tasha the Hippo, and Austin the Kangaroo. There is no question that the bright colors the animals and settings are in, are one of the very many reasons that get kids to stay glued to their seat (or off it!) whenever the show comes on. I know it has the same effect on my little brother. Heck, it has the same effect on me!
But it isn't just the myriad of colors, the voices or even their adorableness that get me; it's their songs! That's what reels me in. The songwriters have done a superb job at innovating or even writing original stuff for each episode. The genres are different for each storyline: Polka, Reggae, Pop, Classic Rock, Rap, Opera, etc. Very coo.
They also have interesting themes and story plots, all packaged to attract. The animals are in a setting where they all live in the same neighborhood, play roles that suit their personalities, wander around in their elaborate imaginations, and then it ends with snack time. They've done pirates, polka musicians, yeti hunters, samurai pie makers, ninjas, ice/snow obsession, secret agent/spies, monarchies, etc.
Oh, and one more thing. Man, can those things dance! No, i'm not talking about a casual "sway to the beat" deal. They have detailed choreography. DETAILED. From ballroom dancing to ninja/samurai routines to contemporary moves. They've tried almost everything, if not all. A brilliant, brilliant show.
What I love about this show is how much it reminds me of my siblings and I, when we were little tots. We used to play a lot in our huge yard and imagine typhoons, if need be! *chuckles* Kids hardly play like we did nowadays!
Haha. I suppose i've raved about them enough to make anyone tired. I'll say my goodbyes now, the Backyardigan way:
Now it's time for us to have a snack
Meet you next time when you're back with your friends, The Backyardigans!"
http://blog.tystoybox.com/category/the-backyardigans/ http://www.nobody-knows-anything.com/2004/12/the_backyardigans.html http://www.rhapsody.com/thebackyardigans
Sunday, April 15, 2007
Realizing that more of you may not really know where Taiping is (and i don't really blame you), Taiping is here:
3) Kamunting Industrial Estate
4) Kota Ngah Ibrahim
5) Metro Arcade
6) Taiping Town
- it isn't a very big place
- it takes 5-10 minutes (at the most) to get from one place to another
- there are hardly any traffic jams (or traffic, for that matter)
- it's THE PLACE when it comes to festivals that require you to balik kampung and we only have traffic jams then
- no malls
- no cinemas/theatres
- no renown colleges....yet.
- we have a zoo that claims to be the best in the country and they have a thing called the night safari.
- it rains here every other hour/day
- we have a very pretty Lake Gardens with lovely rain trees that stoop over to the lake from across the road.
- it has never snowed here
- we've dreamt of it snowing here but it hasn't...ever. (yeah, i know.bummer.)
- we're the dampest zone in the Peninsula
- we're at the foot of Maxwell Hill
- we've been labeled the Heritage Town and therefore no further development (after the geodesic dome) may take place within our borders, less activists pelt us with rotten banana peels and pickets
- lush greenery
- quite a bit of wild fauna (especially birds: yellow orioles, hornbills, parrots, kites, herons, etc.)
- if you get lost in Taiping, do not fret! Every other road would lead you to the same place eventually.
- Taiping will not change, so even if you came back 12 years later, the roads might be a little wider, but they still lead you to the same place.
- Taiping rhymes with: griping, hyping, piping, sniping, swiping, wiping, typing, [insert your ideas here].
- We have really nice people.
- Phoebe lived here a good two decades. (*lol*)
So there. Like it or hate it, Taiping in a nutshell.
Saturday, April 14, 2007
"He knows you Lah. The one in Penang."
I tilted my head in curiosity. Penang? I'm in Penang? I continued staring blankly at the screen. After a full minute...
But of course! I was in INTI College, Penang for about a year. Guess that made sense.
So i typed out my reply:
"True, i suppose i was in penang for a year or so."
Guess that's proof enough that his dad knows me, I thought. Yeah, all's good.
He said: Ha.... That's my impression all along. That you're in penang. (Uh-oh...)
I said: *a little nervous* haha. I'm not you know? *grins* phoebe is really from taiping. (yeah, i always talk like i'm the third party)
He said: Taiping is in
I said: *LOL*
He said: NEAR THERE?
I said: *really laughing* about an hour (and) 30 minutes away.... *LOL*
The conversation spirals down into more confusion...
He said: my dad may have said Phoebe from Taiping. I don't know anything now. We should start over. Hi I'm Joash**. (**Name has not been changed to protect identity and prevent breach of privacy. LOL.) Nice to meet you.
I said: hahahaha
He said: Joash from KL, 22. ASL please?
I said: pleased to meet you, Joash. I'm Phoebe from Taiping, PERAK. not penang.
He said: Perak
I said: i'm 21
He said: interesting. Perak is up north?
I said: very up north. *LOL* north enough Lah. south of perlis.
He said: what is Perak north of?
I said: *bursts out laughing again*
He said: but the government of
I said: hahahaha... *stops laughing* you think? *raises eyebrow*
He said: I know so. Cause I AM the government of
I said: well, i'd always wondered why the landscaping in penang was strangely similar to that of taiping... *gasp* what if taiping doesn't exist? what if taiping (is just a) parallel dimension of penang? do i exist?
He said: your eyes are beginning to be wide open.
I said: do you exist?
He said: have you watched matrix?
I said: *nods head slowly as if in trance*
He said: they stole that idea from me Lah!!
I said: *gapes* NO! the copyright infringing apes!
He said: yea. right on.
Thursday, April 12, 2007
Wearing heels was a huge step for me. But it also taught me something other than just suffering its elevation. Being well-shod is important. i was watching this online sermon, "Fatal Footsteps" by Michael Rowan. If you're not well-shod, it affects your walk, you develop callous feet (improperly balanced feet), corns (caused by repeated friction in the same areas - the deeper the corn, the more irritating the pressure will be), etcetera.
I asked myself immediately, "Am I well shod?" (Am i protecting my feet right?)
We may care very much about how our webbed duck-like feet looks like in the physical, but can we say the same for our spiritual feet? If you don't watch your steps, it may affect your walk with Christ. You may develop a "callousness", due to improperly balanced lifestyles. There may be certain individuals who may constantly irritate you (by word or action), and most of the time, you allow their petty actions/words to affect you. The more that is allowed to happen, the worse the "corn" gets.
So how do we shod our feet spiritually?
Michael mentioned that we should be shodding our feet with the preparation of the gospel of peace; for the steps of the righteous man is ordered of God.
I came across a verse in Psalm that provided some insight to that.
"Guide my steps by Your word, so I will not be overcome by evil." Psalm 119:133
So, if you'll excuse me, I need to go "shod my feet".
Wednesday, April 11, 2007
i had never worn a pair of heels proper until i was eighteen. (okay, i may have walked around the house in my mom's then oversized pairs - when i was 11 or 12 but the sessions never lasted ten minutes, which is why it doesn't count.) (oh, but then again, i've worn heels to church -- hmm, they were one inched sissies. So that doesnt count either.) *clears throat* Returning to the subject,
I still remember that grim September night. It was my cue to sing, and with that responsibility, donned the freaky 3 inched elevated black abominations, people call heels.
*digs virtual junk box* Ahh, here it is.
Sure, they look fine NOW. But have you any idea how much those things eat into you? I had horrid red indentations (yes, INDENTATIONS) on my feet, and huge errupting blisters after I took them off later that night. Needless to say, I suffered major leg cramps from it. And I could've sworn my ankles were swelling up the next morning!
I never could understand the purpose of heels. But doggoneit, they could make a duck's webbed feet look really good. (In this case, mine.)
Friend: Wow, those fit you like a glove!
Me: *face distorted to fit agony(not unlike the face you make when you're constipated)* More like hard plasticine being pressed into a tiny mould!
*and they all laughed*
They always laugh. But hey, it's not my fault. When I was in co-ed high school, it was a matter of who was the toughest, not most delicate. You needed to be tough to be able to garner respect from the guys. Else they treated you like... well, like a girl. And I didn't like being pushed around. I always loved being on top of the game. And that meant, no heels, no dresses, no skirts.
Heels were the SYMBOL, the very essence and mascot (if it were organic) of Fragility! At least that was what i thought then. (i mean, come on! The word "Heel" is used to get a dog to follow you about when outdoors! What does that say about the poor people who have to WEAR them?) So it was no surprise to me when even the word itself eventually became a taboo.
And then, came college. Classes were fine. You could go in your flip flops (Godsend!), your walking shoes, your boots, (heck!) even your bunny slippers, and not be given "the look". But how do you escape....
*cue suspense music*
(I was part of my college band and everyone had to be all dressed up for it. Wearing a dress automatically meant wearing heels. The painful fact of a girl's life.)
I've always wondered how my girly buddies could handle the harrowing, putrid pain with such "ease" and still be able to bid me a good morning. I was later told that it took practice. And that you had to get your feet to "wear into them". Whatever that means.
To their credit, I guess i sorta understood what they were getting at. But it never made me wanna go out and buy a pair, you know? It would almost be like endorsing my own affliction! Buying my own pain. (*momentary pause* whoa. had a mental imagery of me buying a packet of "cramps". it was attractively packaged too. like cookies! *shakes head gravely*)
Anyway, i had BARELY forgotten about my first "hell heel" experience when posters are plastered all over the college announcing the next prom. Aiyo.
*digs deeper into virtual junk box*
But nothing could prepare me for what would happen next. Phoebe got A JOB! A job that required one to wear a minimum of two inched detestations to work. I mean, was i in trouble or what?
Anyway, to quickly end this already windy tale, I had to purchase outfits for workplace and with those purchases came my first few pairs of misery. A couple of dozen blisters, cramp episodes, and hardened follicles later, i can proudly say that i have officially "worn into 'em". (i'm only assuming what it means, by the way.) I usually had to walk to the station, take a Putra to KLCC and then walk to my workplace from there. Heels and walking don't mix. Trust me. So i walk in my flip flops, change into my heels in the office. Hah!
I have not as many as the average shoe enthusiast, but they're enough for as long as they last. I actually use heels more often than not now, after my recent work experience and they dont quite hurt as bad. (quite. *chuckles*)
So there you go. My Great Compromise.
But Heels STILL kill the sole.
Where did the innocence go?
When did the turmoil begin?
Why did he have to go
Away to that hill again?
I said it wasn’t his fault
That eve was to blame
From my eyes came drops of salt
I couldn’t stop calling his name
Watching at a distance now
No more tears to cry
Royalty reduced to a bow
Why did he have to die?
Where did sense disappear to?
When will it return again?
Look at what he went through –
For me to live again.
Where are you now, my hero?
Are you still there in my heart?
Comfort now, my sorrow,
And let nothing tear us apart.
Phoebe Lee Mathius
11th April ‘07