Tuesday, December 4, 2007

Yet I Love.

It’s been a good few months since I entered this after-life. It was probably for the best, leaving that world for the next. I’ll probably be saying the same thing when I leave for my subsequent world next year, I expect. No argument there. But there’s so much missing still.

Human beings are so frail.

I am. You are.

As fickle as touch-me-nots at the side of the road. As permanent as the Christmas d├ęcor put up each year. We change and expect the world to change with us. I change and expect you to understand. You change and expect me to take that transit flight with you.

Change and Expectations. Is this what life is all about?

If it was, then would it be fair for anyone to say, that they’re tired of change? This perspective may be a little out of proportion. But this is one truth. I’m tired of waking up from my dreams. I’m tired of finding out that the happiness I’d felt had only meant to be an interim intermission between the then and now. I’m tired of the accumulating bags of hindsight and tears slung over my shoulder; I’m tired of waving off my deepest regrets and saying, “It was probably for the best.” I’m tired of trading in my innocence for the pointless wisdom of the world. (Bah, wisdom? Balderdash!)

Surely; Surely, there must be something more true. More divine. (Like… God.) More permanent. (Like joy.) More ...right. (Like integrity.) Why must I settle for second best? Why must I chase short-termed happiness? Why must my heart die a thousand deaths before I discover this? Why must I reach a point of desperation before I finally understand why?

I suppose there’s my solution right there. In order to touch him, I must be compelled into a position of sacrifice, of giving. I asked for this. I remember.

“Teach me to love the way you do.” I asked him that.

Clearly, I didn’t know what I was asking for.

He was betrayed, yet he loved. He was turned against, yet he loved. He was gossiped about, yet he loved. He was harmed, yet he loved. He was broken, yet he loved.

Can I ever truly get this?

I was betrayed, yet I ___________.
I was gossiped about, yet I ____________.
I was deceived, yet I _____________.
I was harmed, yet I _____________.
I was broken, yet I _____________.

Maybe discovering LOVE is what life’s all about. If it is, then it’s time I got to the point where:

I was ______________, yet I love.