Final Photography Project

My Photo Essay!

Final Project for Photography 2009.

To you.

There's a whole lot to me than what i tend to let surface. One cannot truly engage in conversations of desires and identity out of hues of blue. One waits for the right time. And that time did not come. Perhaps it never will.

There's not much you or I need to know about who i was, who i am or who i want to be - because i am not defined by all that -- not even by my name. not anymore.

My name does have some form of bearing to my life and legacy here on earth. But what is in a name? Countless times i've failed it's meaning. Countless times i've acted adversely out of spite, immaturity and folly. What is my name? Do I really want it to matter to you? You, who've walked with me through all shapes of my sorrow and grief. and you, who've shared my laughter in times of childishness. Or you, who've sat with me under the tree of imagination and dreamed of higher heights no human have yet tread.

My identity now lies in someone more wonderful than I. He gave so much to be with me. So i choose him. And he will always take precedence in my life.

So no, i'm not interested in any other person, any external relationship, any developing bond that may threaten to sever this budding tie and usher me into distraction, into the comatose.

I cannot yet engage myself in another. Not till i'm ready. Not yet, not now. For i have awakened from twilight's tight grasp and have now seen the sun at the end of that tunnel. I will not turn back. You can't make me.

True, i may meet someone on my way out of that tunnel. But it is not Now. And you are Now. Therefore, things cannot be.

There's just very little time. Too little, in fact. It's too early for me to be wandering about sorting issues of companionship.You'll find someone who is and will be ready for you.

But i am not. I come through those doors later. You finish before me.We are still running our races simultaneously. But Parallel and not Together. You will always be a cherished brother.

Fret not. Our hearts are made up of more than just cells and tissues, and it pumps and works with more than just blood or its platelets.

I can only hope you understand, dear old friend. I can only hope.

Sincerely,
Phoebe Lee Mathius
p/s Phoebe : radiance

The Alien Autistic

This is my latest assignment guys!





I am not happy with the text graphics during the poetry slam, but i totally lost hours of work when the software crashed on me. I was running out of time, so i decided to just do a mess of sample fonts/styles.

My professor just told me to keep working on it so that i can submit it for Fall's fargo's film fest. But he needs to check on competition rules and formats before we move ahead with this extracurricular project!

P/s i won another small scholarship. The first was from a Roy Blackwood. and now, i won something from Sullivan. I hope to hear from Milowski soon. Thanks Hero, for helping me find favor with the people behind the considerations.

Light of Day - The Music Video

This is a Music video i made (filmed, edited) for a track/song i composed at a time when i had a lot of questions.

So yeah....
this is:
"Light of Day"
Music and Lyrics by Phoebe Lee Mathius

This turned into my assignment, and I presented it to class several days ago. Here it is... in it's full song-likeness and etcetera.

*chuckles* enjoy. and gimme feedback!

p/s it didn't really turn out the way i originally intended for it to look. but oh well, i finished it anyway, (a day before it was due) so i won't complain. haha.

CREDITS
Jon M. Chiaravalle
Sarah McKee
Samantha Sorenson
Katie Nelson
Tony Barber
Tim Roberts

Thanks for your time investments, ideas and flexibility. You were all great to work with!

and All gratitude is due to my hero. I love you.

Of Chris Tomlin, Israel Houghton and New Breed.

Their concert is coming up in March! 29th to be exact! It will be held in the Xcel Energy Center, in St. Paul, Minnesota - a four hour drive away from Bemidji. Not unlike the journey between Taiping and Kuala Lumpur.

And guess What? I'm going! *does a jig*
Wanna go too? Click here!

Deep gratitude to Edrian for informing me of the concert. I know he has been the biggest fan of Israel and New breed. And i will definitely take you in spirit, bro!

4 other good friends of mine are heading over there with me! and it is going to be SWEET!

ROAD TRIP!!!

Thanks, hero. For granting me the tiny desires of my heart. You are so real to me even in my brokenness. You're real to me in my joy. Thanks for being around. *shuffles feet bashfully* I love you.

I cried.

I'd just gotten off from a sob fest.
('twas only for a few seconds, but still.... i never knew i was capable of being such an emotional girl.)

I never knew i would have it in me to just burst into tears, gab-smack in the middle of a song - with no warning too.

well, there was SOME warning. it was this swelling swirl in my chest that grew and grew and ...I never could tell what it was. When it finally peaked, out came niagra falls!

(I laugh sheepishly at myself as i type this. and some of you may even be having a field day with this.)

but what you need to know is that there are several causes to this [phoe]nomenon, of course.

one must first look at the song that i was listening to.

The song had caused me to feel this burdened sense of nostalgia... i remembered listening to it during a certain tough period of waiting and direction in my life. And it's a wonder how far I've come. How God led me through, step by step, phase by phase...word for word.

As i listened, what i experienced for the most part, was the feeling of relief that that time has already past. And that there was nothing to fear. But on the other hand, I've also been feeling burdened for the future. What specifically, i do not know...yet. A spiritual battle, really. But my hero, i know, will be there to save the day! No matter how battered or wounded we are from the battle, I know i will see him riding towards the bloodied field with the strongest army you will ever live to see!

Yes, I see a storm cloud looming up ahead. And i cannot help but feel my heart sinking; remembering the last time i've had to go through this. But the sunlight is still reflecting its intensity on my sword, the battle is still raging. We WILL grow from this. Whatever it is. Whatever that is coming.

My hero, lover and friend has made me ready. I await with bated breath.

Light of Day

I guess, I wrote a new song. =)

"Light of Day"
(by Phoebe Lee Mathius)

She conjured up a world
Where she could hide
With arching trees stretched over lakes
Watched by purple skies

Poor innocent girl
How will your story unfurl
Poor innocent girl
How they shatter your world...

Chorus:
In the midst of fools
there's a trickle of reason
for every season
in the eyes of one
So beautiful
But we claim not to see
Nod our heads to agree
while a dream never sees the light of day

Tag:
Poor innocent girl, we say.

I conjured up a world
One so ideal
Where there's no hatred
and there's nothing to conceal

But it's all in my head
It's all in my...(chorus)

Tag 2:
It's all in our heads, we say

Bridge:
After everything we've lived through
You'd think we would understand.
After every wrong suffered
You'd think we would have a plan...

But we choose not to see
We're content, we're carefree
While a dream never sees the light of day.
But we choose not to see
Nod our heads to agree
While our dreams never see the light of day.

End:
It's all in our heads, we say.

No more dreams today

Where is the light of day?

~~~~~

I have just completed filming for this demo's music video. this is wonderful news for me as it started out pretty behind schedule. hopefully, after the editing is done, it'd turn out better than i can even hope for. Hope with me.

"If God be for us, who can be against us?"

Oh, Phanuel!

My little autistic brother, whom i love so ever, ever MUCH, has found a new craze!

Check it out! It's adorable!



Remember how he loves dinosaurs and animated cartoons? Well, this is perfect for him! Although my younger sister, Parmena, thinks it's annoying. I can see how it can be for us "grown-ups". Or rather, should we call ourselves "growING-ups"?

Can we ever fully achieve maturity? I say, no.

Love you, Phanuel. You'll be one of the greats someday, leaving behind an amazing legacy for the world to exemplify!

Got a Date For Val's?

I do.

*smiles*

Weekend Breaks, News and Prayer Requests!

I'm heading to an Apologetics Conference this weekend.

I'm excited! It's gonna be awesome. And a good break for me. Thanks, Kristen LEE Flathers for inviting me along! And Sarah McKee, it'll be good to catch up with you all that four hours down to the cities! =)

I have a HUGE video project on my hands and things aren't going well. Pray for me. For wisdom.

In other news, I got my social security card/number - which means i can get paid now! hurrah! In the nick of time too! I was seriously BROKE. (NO, don't inform my parents, they know. and NO, I'm doing fine. I have my small reserve. But it'll be great to start saving you know?) Thanks for all the support!

IF you need something to pray about when it comes to me, I'm applying for several partial scholarships. I need to find favor.

Also -- as i indicated in a previous post, I made the Dean's and the President's List. They served a free lunch yesterday, for people who make the list! And i received two certificates! So whoever this Dean person is, and how his list came to be.... thanks, ole boy!

All this -- thanks to my beloved. I love you.

When Wednesday Met Thursday

Darkness.
...was all I could see when Wednesday met Thursday. My timepiece indicated an incredibly foreign hour of the morning. Couldn't really understand my body's enthusiasm to meet the day. Neither could i comprehend why an ingenius and divine concept, such as sleep, could ever be this elusive. Pure in-

Sanity.
...is what I have in moderate amounts these days. A shame, that. 'Tis sanity that keeps most of us afloat, even in the most deplorable of conditions. And this very same trait, I lack. Retarded, i seem to be, for the better part of the day; and all thanks to the tiny men at war in my already delirious grey matter. Why all the strife, you ask? I'll never really know for sure, but i have some -

Ideas.
...Conformity, for one. To feel safe, to belong and all that balderdash. We've been taught to follow things blindly and we've all wound up stuck in waist-deep sludge. I sullenly watch as my fingers drummed the table in an unsettled fashion. Still uncertain. Did the muck around me ooze out from my very own pores? Or was it just there all along, waiting innocently for some poor cretin to step in it, yell a string of inaudible curses - break into melancholy song ( i.e. Nobody Knows The Trouble I've Seen) and contemplate suicide simultaneously, whilst painfully submerging into the bottomless, tar-like puddle at a disgraceful rate of one centimeter per minute? Either way, I only have myself to blame for being here. Nevertheless, everything in me, the very essence that survives me, cries out to escape the System, to be my own person, to be contrary; different to the reeking normalcy of today's stale-tuna-sandwich culture. Tiny men at war in my head. Conformity Vs. Individuality. The bugle has sounded. The battle is -

ON.
...The bold word returned my blank gaze. I'd been fumbling around in the dark and a bump or two later, the lights had flickered on, swallowing the darkness that once engulfed my personal space. I remained in the deafening silence, eyes still getting accustomed to the shocking brightness that now illuminated every nook and cranny. My finger, still on the switch, lay motionless; frozen-like; as I stood stupefied at the single-syllabled word: ON. Right below was it's regal antonym, in similar print. OFF. ON.

OFF.
ON.

...How feeble our faith. How feeble our lives. How great the Creator.

OFF.

ON.
OFF.

Darkness.
... was all I could see when Wednesday met Thursday, and when Thursday met Friday, when life met death, when train met tunnel. Just spaces void of -

Light.
... was all I could see as the tunnel approached its end - when life met eternity, when men met God.

-Written in 2006
-By Phoebe Lee Mathius

What?

Phoebe....in the Dean's List??
NO (absolute) way!
Thanks, hero.