So Help Me God

I thank God for the amazing friends that i'd discovered in the lives of very special individuals, of whom i've had the pleasure of knowing. They probably have no idea how much their presence had meant to me not only throughout my short trip to Petaling Jaya, but even in my life so far. The turmoil i was going through for the past two weeks have been a little more than overwhelming.

To Eva Sam: My Multiply Site has never been more active! You've showered me with your love and concern, comments and feedback on everything I do, write, post, upload, or think! I'd only gotten to know you better after Subang Jaya, and i've never regretted a moment! I will never forget our shopping adventure in Times Square and all the stuff we bought. Haha! my Silver Spartan sandals will always be my favorite pair of shoes! (your gold ones look stellar, by the way!) It feels so comforting to know that there is someone who will always be there for me -- You're now more than a friend to me. I can now say with full conviction, that you are, in true fact, my sister.

Eva and Clayts, I will never forget this past conference. Talking our little hearts out, firm grasps of hands, laughing till our sides ached, crying and repenting together on our knees, and worshipping God with our might. It's been awesome.

To Clayton Cheung: Being around you helps me feel calm and laid back. It's not a bad thing! You've always been a great listener and i've been able to count on you to be my rant-board. You've also been ever willing to help me out whenever i needed it. And not to forget the enthusiasm we share for writing songs and having jam sessions. Come to think of it, that's how it all began right? Music? Those playful recording sessions we had last December were one of the most enjoyable experiences I've had. And it's all thanks to you. Remember always that that was your brainchild. Let's have more sessions! Clayts, it's truly been an honor knowing you thus far. Here's to more fun-filled days, frapucinnos and lattes! Cheers mate!

(Melissa : no picture available - she's particular about these things)

To Melissa Yip: Whenever you could, you were always around to cheer me up. You've always tried to understand, you've supported me, you've kept me company tirelessly, you looked out for me and shared your deepest hurts. I am grateful for your trust, and for being that trustworthy person that everyone else is missing out in their lives! Yes, that's right! You're MY trust-buddy! No one else's! We've always been busy bees *winks*, but you've always taken the time to make sure that i was doing okay, no matter what you were doing. Your tireless love and concern has encouraged me to be a better friend to you and to everyone else. Thank you so much for opening up to me and for letting me do the same.

To Joash Chan: It's always been the little, sincere gestures that you've done for me that leave the major imprints. Thanks for the friendly banter, the humor!!, the rad videos, the LISTENING ear, your patience, your quietness, your brotherly advice, your uncensored thoughts, your timely hugs and that classic first edition - box of Pictionary!!! (the darned thing is becoming more popular than "Transformers"!) *folds arms and dwells on jealous thought for a moment* It's strange but from the time we started talking online, i sort of knew you were a keeper. Your honest-speak, transparency and creativity has been nothing short of inspiring. You've helped me resolve to pursue my God-given dreams without relent. And that I will always cherish.

I'd lost a very good friend this year, only to realize that i've gained four more amazing friendships! Why do this? This is simply to serve as a reminder, that God is constantly at work in my life and he has never wanted to leave me high and dry. What I lost, I've gained four-fold, so far. So with my Dream-giver's help, i am consciously pulling myself out of the self-resentment that i've suddenly found myself in. I've been here before. Not too long ago, actually. I recognize the chalk marks on the wall.

The foetus mode - phases of zero self-esteem,

The building up of walls around my heart - making it impossible to trust,

The unproven frustrations - being angry at nothing at all,

The lethargy - being quick and willing to quit,

The melancholy moods and delusions - wrong assumptions and thoughts that destroy my self confidence.

And to be strictly honest, I'm scared to go back there again. So help me God, to focus on things that matter. Help me rid myself of my childishness and self-centredness. This life is not to be wasted on tantrums, this life is not about me. It's about living a life that reflects the glory of our One and Only. Nevertheless, with my borrowed breath, i am evermore grateful for these lives that have impacted mine in ways they themselves will never be able to imagine.

This is just the tip of the iceberg. It's just the beginning.