Taiping is in Penang

I was having the usual online stop.go conversations with one of my friends on gTalk. I've known him for about a year now. He was telling me that his father knew me and I had been doubtful that it was, in fact, me whom his father had spoken of, as there could have been plenty more Phoebes in his father's circle than just me-Phoebe, you know? *chuckles* (i don't talk like this in real life. but if i did, i would be taking a huge breath, just about now.)

"He knows you Lah. The one in Penang."

I tilted my head in curiosity. Penang? I'm in Penang? I continued staring blankly at the screen. After a full minute...

But of course! I was in INTI College, Penang for about a year. Guess that made sense.

So i typed out my reply:
"True, i suppose i was in penang for a year or so."
Guess that's proof enough that his dad knows me, I thought. Yeah, all's good.

He said: Ha.... That's my impression all along. That you're in penang. (Uh-oh...)
I said: *a little nervous* haha. I'm not you know? *grins* phoebe is really from taiping. (yeah, i always talk like i'm the third party)
He said: Taiping is in Penang. No?
I said: *LOL* oh my! no no.
He said: NEAR THERE?

I said: *really laughing* about an hour (and) 30 minutes away.... *LOL*

The conversation spirals down into more confusion...

He said: my dad may have said Phoebe from Taiping. I don't know anything now. We should start over. Hi I'm Joash**. (**Name has not been changed to protect identity and prevent breach of privacy. LOL.) Nice to meet you.
I said: hahahaha
He said: Joash from KL, 22. ASL please?
I said: pleased to meet you, Joash. I'm Phoebe from Taiping, PERAK. not penang.
He said: Perak
I said: i'm 21
He said: interesting. Perak is up north?
I said: very up north. *LOL* north enough Lah. south of perlis.
He said: what is Perak north of?
I said: *bursts out laughing again*

And so after about ten minutes of debating our true identities and then slowly grasping the true bearing of where Taiping really was, we came up with this conclusion.

He said: but the government of Penang wants you to think you're in Perak.
I said: hahahaha... *stops laughing* you think? *raises eyebrow*
He said: I know so. Cause I AM the government of Penang.
I said: well, i'd always wondered why the landscaping in penang was strangely similar to that of taiping... *gasp* what if taiping doesn't exist? what if taiping (is just a) parallel dimension of penang? do i exist?
He said: your eyes are beginning to be wide open.
I said: do you exist?
He said: have you watched matrix?
I said: *nods head slowly as if in trance*
He said: they stole that idea from me Lah!!
I said: *gapes* NO! the copyright infringing apes!
He said: yea. right on.

To be Well-Shod

(Sequel to Previous Entry - So Read That First!)

Wearing heels was a huge step for me. But it also taught me something other than just suffering its elevation. Being well-shod is important. i was watching this online sermon, "Fatal Footsteps" by Michael Rowan. If you're not well-shod, it affects your walk, you develop callous feet (improperly balanced feet), corns (caused by repeated friction in the same areas - the deeper the corn, the more irritating the pressure will be), etcetera.

I asked myself immediately, "Am I well shod?" (Am i protecting my feet right?)

We may care very much about how our webbed duck-like feet looks like in the physical, but can we say the same for our spiritual feet? If you don't watch your steps, it may affect your walk with Christ. You may develop a "callousness", due to improperly balanced lifestyles. There may be certain individuals who may constantly irritate you (by word or action), and most of the time, you allow their petty actions/words to affect you. The more that is allowed to happen, the worse the "corn" gets.

So how do we shod our feet spiritually?

Michael mentioned that we should be shodding our feet with the preparation of the gospel of peace; for the steps of the righteous man is ordered of God.

I came across a verse in Psalm that provided some insight to that.

"Guide my steps by Your word, so I will not be overcome by evil." Psalm 119:133

So, if you'll excuse me, I need to go "shod my feet".

Heels Kill the Soul. Err, I mean Sole.

Sole, Soul. Gah, what's the difference?

i had never worn a pair of heels proper until i was eighteen. (okay, i may have walked around the house in my mom's then oversized pairs - when i was 11 or 12 but the sessions never lasted ten minutes, which is why it doesn't count.) (oh, but then again, i've worn heels to church -- hmm, they were one inched sissies. So that doesnt count either.) *clears throat* Returning to the subject,

I still remember that grim September night. It was my cue to sing, and with that responsibility, donned the freaky 3 inched elevated black abominations, people call heels.

*digs virtual junk box* Ahh, here it is.


Sure, they look fine NOW. But have you any idea how much those things eat into you? I had horrid red indentations (yes, INDENTATIONS) on my feet, and huge errupting blisters after I took them off later that night. Needless to say, I suffered major leg cramps from it. And I could've sworn my ankles were swelling up the next morning!

I never could understand the purpose of heels. But doggoneit, they could make a duck's webbed feet look really good. (In this case, mine.)

Friend: Wow, those fit you like a glove!
Me: *face distorted to fit agony(not unlike the face you make when you're constipated)* More like hard plasticine being pressed into a tiny mould!

*and they all laughed*

They always laugh. But hey, it's not my fault. When I was in co-ed high school, it was a matter of who was the toughest, not most delicate. You needed to be tough to be able to garner respect from the guys. Else they treated you like... well, like a girl. And I didn't like being pushed around. I always loved being on top of the game. And that meant, no heels, no dresses, no skirts.

Heels were the SYMBOL, the very essence and mascot (if it were organic) of Fragility! At least that was what i thought then. (i mean, come on! The word "Heel" is used to get a dog to follow you about when outdoors! What does that say about the poor people who have to WEAR them?) So it was no surprise to me when even the word itself eventually became a taboo.

And then, came college. Classes were fine. You could go in your flip flops (Godsend!), your walking shoes, your boots, (heck!) even your bunny slippers, and not be given "the look". But how do you escape....

THE PROM??

*cue suspense music*
(I was part of my college band and everyone had to be all dressed up for it. Wearing a dress automatically meant wearing heels. The painful fact of a girl's life.)

I've always wondered how my girly buddies could handle the harrowing, putrid pain with such "ease" and still be able to bid me a good morning. I was later told that it took practice. And that you had to get your feet to "wear into them". Whatever that means.

To their credit, I guess i sorta understood what they were getting at. But it never made me wanna go out and buy a pair, you know? It would almost be like endorsing my own affliction! Buying my own pain. (*momentary pause* whoa. had a mental imagery of me buying a packet of "cramps". it was attractively packaged too. like cookies! *shakes head gravely*)

Anyway, i had BARELY forgotten about my first "hell heel" experience when posters are plastered all over the college announcing the next prom. Aiyo.

*digs deeper into virtual junk box*

The Aftermath was the same. The show was great! My poor feet? *sound of buzzer*

But nothing could prepare me for what would happen next. Phoebe got A JOB! A job that required one to wear a minimum of two inched detestations to work. I mean, was i in trouble or what?

*chuckles*

Anyway, to quickly end this already windy tale, I had to purchase outfits for workplace and with those purchases came my first few pairs of misery. A couple of dozen blisters, cramp episodes, and hardened follicles later, i can proudly say that i have officially "worn into 'em". (i'm only assuming what it means, by the way.) I usually had to walk to the station, take a Putra to KLCC and then walk to my workplace from there. Heels and walking don't mix. Trust me. So i walk in my flip flops, change into my heels in the office. Hah!

I have not as many as the average shoe enthusiast, but they're enough for as long as they last. I actually use heels more often than not now, after my recent work experience and they dont quite hurt as bad. (quite. *chuckles*)

So there you go. My Great Compromise.
But Heels STILL kill the sole.

A Nine Year Old's Heart

I wrote this yesterday. Dedicated to my best friend.

Where did the innocence go?
When did the turmoil begin?
Why did he have to go
Away to that hill again?

I said it wasn’t his fault
That eve was to blame
From my eyes came drops of salt
I couldn’t stop calling his name

Watching at a distance now
No more tears to cry
Royalty reduced to a bow
Why did he have to die?

Where did sense disappear to?
When will it return again?
Look at what he went through –
For me to live again.

Where are you now, my hero?
Are you still there in my heart?
Comfort now, my sorrow,
And let nothing tear us apart.

Ever again.

Phoebe Lee Mathius
00:44
11th April ‘07

More than Meets the Eye

You know the overused saying, "Don't judge a book by it's cover"? I've always wondered about it. I've never really judged a book by its cover per se -- it was the titles that always got me.

(You know the world's social handicap is increasing in severity when you see books like that on the shelves! This book's written by the Australian bestselling author, Andrew Matthews, by the way. It's supposed to be good -- don't get me wrong. *chuckles*)

But I shouldn't distract myself.

I was just wondering how so easily one can assume something of the other without really knowing for sure. More often than not, our characters are summed up with one singular action. It seems absurd to you now that a single act could dictate and determine who you were, are and will become. But most of us do it, without really knowing why.

Recently, I read one of my friend's testimonies on a church newsletter. She spoke of her little sister whom, at quick glance, seemed obese and shared of how quickly people tend to judge her based on her size. In true fact, her little sister had gone through a series of health problems that eventually led to her current state. I immediately could relate.

Let me introduce you to one of my heroes.

This is Phanuel.

He's my little brother. And he's autistic.

At first glance, one might think he is an obese, unruly and unsociable boy. He would just be another kid with a mental handicap. But if they'd just try to get to know him better, they'd realize how wonderful he truly is.

Autism is basically a condition where there is a severe lack in neurons/brain cells or an extreme abundance of it. It distorts, or rather, in more correct terms, changes his/her perspective of things. Based on my own observations, here's a theory:

When we see this:

He sees this:

...or perhaps even more.

An autistic child could just get lost or excited with a simple diagram. While it may seem like a dead doodle to our own eyes, but to them, it's probably as exciting as going to the zoo for the first time and gaping down a lion's throat.

We've taught Phanuel to read and it takes so much of his time, patience, and effort to sit still and gather his thoughts to read just one word at a time. There was this one time when I was tutoring Phanuel; I just placed a book in front of him and said, "Read." He stared at the book -- the pictures, the words. But he stayed silent. I nudged him gently and said, "Go on. Read." And i will never forget the incredulous look he gave me when i said that.

It was almost like he was saying: "What in the supermarket did you think I was doing then? Sky-diving?"

Sometimes, he gets so frustated whilst reading that he throws tantrums. But it's only because we have to force him to do something our way. We "normal" human beings tend to get so alarmed when another is not able to respond, act, or communicate the same way we do. And so we teach them our ways, so that they can become us.

What an achievement.

His first word was "Dinosaur"

My little brother started out alright. When he was two, he suffered a horrible bout of fever and then, he never was the same. Can you imagine watching your brother singing and speaking little words, only to go back to silence? He could no longer maintain proper eye contact, and did not respond to his name. It was heartbreaking.

Phanuel had always loved dinosaurs. "Walking with Dinosaurs" was then a famous BBC documentary. Phanuel was seven and had watched every episode just once. And while he still couldn't speak and couldn't relate to the world as we knew it, he typed out and made a whole PowerPoint presentation of what he could remember of the documentary. Yes, PowerPoint. How'd he learn that? From behind my shoulder.

And people fret that they're not like us.

There is really more than meets the eye. There is more to a person than what they do or did, than how they look like. We know this in theory, but yet we're still guilty of premature judgement. I know I am.

I was reading I Samuel 16, the infamous account of how young David was anointed as king.

vs 7: But the Lord said to Samuel, "Do not look at his appearance or his physical stature, because I have refused Him. For the Lord does not see as man sees; for man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart."

Samuel had looked at outward stature but God had not chosen any of David's bigger, and well-built brothers. This is a verse that I'd read many times before. But this time, I had a question. "Why do we, more often than not, assume so much when we know so little?" And then it hit me.

The Lord doesn't see as man sees.

It is very human of us to depend on the physical, because it is unnatural (or rather, supernatural) for us to look past the faults and deficiencies. It is Christ-like to look at the heart. What this means is that without God, it is going to be pretty hard to go against your human nature to steal a peek at someone else's heart. What we need is to see what God sees. What we need is...

A periscope.

Wiki says that a periscope may be used "for seeing over people's heads in a crowd". I thought the concept simple yet profound. Sometimes all we see are people, being in the crowd ourselves - and this limits our view and eventually suffocates thought.

When our thoughts are stunted due to the lack in visual input from God, we settle down and begin to develop our common mindsets from the little that we see. The kind of mindsets that are usually hard to break free from.

That's why we need a GodPeriscope! So, we can see above the crowd. We'll get a bit of the Godview of things. Life would take a different turn for many.

You know, many times i've just sat and watched Phanuel doing his puzzles, watching his favorite cartoon, and whatever else. He would be so focused whilst doing it, and for a brief moment, he seemed okay...normal. And i wonder What IF. What if he was born a normal boy, what potential he'd have, what fun he'd be. My heart would just be overwhelmed with this sudden sadness. But then i realized, he wasn't complaining.

He knew how to express himself. When he was angry, he threw tantrums; when he was sad, he cried; and when he was happy, he'd laugh. He didn't care what others would think of him, how different he would seem.... he was just happy with himself.

And sometimes, I wonder why it takes so much for us to be happy with ourselves. What we should be focusing on would be doing what God intended us to do; delighting in Him, being a joy and loving Him, completing the good stuff He started in us. But we tend to focus on the wrong things most of the time. We choose to see the huge boulder in our pathway, instead of the glorious destination we're heading towards. We pursue selfish priorities, materialistic desires.

It's no wonder the Lord doesn't see as man sees.

"Say God, can i get one of those?" *points at a periscope on a shelf*