My Ordinary Miracle (Part Two)

"My name is Phoebe. I am lost. Can you give me directions?"

It was wonderful to know God was speaking to me through His Word. It was both a comfort and joy – simple though it seems to you now. It was a particularly important stepping stone for me.

Nevertheless, I still felt alone and longed for a friend I could pour my heart to. The friends that I already had always turned to me for help and advice. At the time, I was daft enough to believe that their confidence in me would diminish if they should ever find out that Phoebe, the Counsellor, the Encourager, the Jovial one - Phoebe too, had her share of problems. There was also the question of wavelength. I needed spiritual encouragement and not just the casual, “it'll be alright.” I didn't just want someone to share in my indignation over the recent series of events. I didn't want to just have someone applaud my survival. I was looking for so much more.

And it is here that I met a long lost friend, who eventually became my best friend throughout my plight. He gave me sound advice and encouragement to keep hanging on the Lord. I never really got to thank him for being there for me when I needed a handhold. (Thank You. You've truly been a Godsend.) Being very encouraged in our conversations, and with renewed strength, I began preparing myself spiritually and mentally for a new beginning, new school and new friends.

Very quickly, I found myself in Subang Jaya. That was definitely a new experience for me. People were so warm and open. And here, I made more lifelong friends and got myself involved in the Christian Fellowship's Music Ministry. I attended a friend's church for 4 months, located about an hour or more away by train(KTM). Everything seemed to be alright and I finally felt like I was getting somewhere. Then, I fell in love. But it never worked out as my parents were against the idea of me getting involved with someone too early in my life. I was heartbroken again. And if that wasn't shattering enough, I learned that I'd just completed my Foundation Studies for next to nothing. There had not been sufficient time to save up enough to get me to America – as my parents had been supporting my sister overseas all this while and I wasn't working. And so once again,

I was lost.

I never did admit it, but I was bitter for the longest of whiles. Resisting much, Rebelling much. I just couldn't understand it. Nothing seemed to be going right. Friends were calling me from all over the world to ask what I was doing and I usually fumble pathetically for an answer. My story was usually received with a sympathetic grunt or an empathic “don't give up”. Feeling absolutely fed up after two idle months, I decided to get a job.

This time I worked as a Customer Service Representative for a particular Airlines in Kuala Lumpur. The short working stint helped me refocus, and get back on track. It was then that I decided to start over with my studies, do it entirely local. I told the Lord and myself that I was working towards saving up for college – although I knew that it would be impossible to save up enough in six months anyway. However, I just needed a solid motivation to be there, to be working those hours and that psychology worked fine for me.

Living on my own, helped me become more disciplined in God, my prayer life, and devotion. Wriggling out of the "self" mindset was hard. I'm still working at it even now. It was a conscious decision I made one night, to not go on trying to do this on my own, in my own strength. My reasons were obvious. All I ever tried to do, failed - all I ever aspired to do, could not happen! It was high time I exercised my faith and that I did. By then, my faith had grown much since the beginning of this roller-coaster. I now literally prayed and asked the Lord to help me save up enough for just one semester of college (which was quite a lot - considering I was starting from scratch). I knew it was impossible to do it on my own.

But with God all things are possible, and I was about to learn my greatest lesson yet.