My Ordinary Miracle (Part One)

(If you're not fond of stories, navigate elsewhere. 'Cause this is going to be a long one.)

"My name is Phoebe. I am lost. Can you give me directions?"

That would sum it. It would seem like throughout the past year or more, all I'd mostly been was LOST. All you could ever truly know about me then was my name. It was the only thing I was really sure of. Exaggeration? Perhaps. But I would think not.

After secondary school, I felt very idle and was impatient to get something done. It wasn't too straight forward for me, as my parents were supporting my sister and brother who were studying overseas at the time. It was too much of a financial strain to even be wishing to get into a tertiary education school then. I had felt quite lost. I was not expecting any of this. So, I dug up my options:

(a) STPM (b) get a job

Seeing as my childhood dream had always been to study in the United States Of America (just for the experience - I've always wanted to come back here), I opted for (b). I figured I'd save some and then land myself in college. Hence, the job as a clerk in a manufacturing company for Catheters. It was a horrible experience for me, being new to the working environment. Not only was I the youngest staff, but I was often the exploitation target of many of my seniors. And for a miserable six hundred dollars a month, I became very drained. There was one thing good that came off of it though. I got to steal a peek at the many other departments that involved expertise and kinder spirits. I pulled away from this job with a new determination. I would study hard and get myself a job where I could achieve much and enjoy the fruits of my labor. I vowed that I would never again end up in some dingy office cubicle, with only stacks and stacks of documentation and unkind bullies for company.

I moved on to a college up north in Penang. It was terribly exciting for me to actually be able to start studying again after so long, and be enrolled in an American Degree Transfer Program too! I knew each day brought me closer and closer to my aspiration to breathe in North American air. Meanwhile, I met lifelong friends, learnt lifelong lessons, absorbed information and was very involved in school activities. I also joined local ensembles, namely "Sand"(only to quit a few weeks later) and "Ocean Of Fire". Semesters pass, and I was now the president of my program. I was working on my brainchild, a large scale musical comedy called, "Midsummer's Nightmare", a parody to Shakepeare's Midsummer's Night Dream with a Malaysian Twist. Unfortunately, my head of department called me into her room one day to inform me that I didn't have anymore subjects to take up north and had to either skip a semester or transfer to another regional campus down at central peninsula, for my final semester. I was lost for words. I stalled for a whole semester, (travelling up and down Penang every so often) hoping for subjects to be offered the following intake. It never happened. Abandoning my musical project and friends for a bold move to the central district was no easy task. I felt like a traitor to my band, my project, my crew, my friends. Ocean of Fire were gracious, but my project crew were not. I'd urged them to proceed without me but they never did.

I was heartbroken.

I talked this out much with the Lord. I had found much comfort in Him and His word. I had so many questions that needed answering but the Lord quietened the storm inside me with His verses. Psalm 1, “..but his delight is in the law of the Lord.” Psalm 2 ends with “Blessed are all those who trust in Him.” My faith was still stunted so I never dared to ask the Lord for anything in fear of dejection. However, I did learn to love and trust the Lord and His word. I began to slowly understand that what I wanted to accomplish was never more important than being wrapped in doing His will.

Funny how God educates.