Showing posts with label work. Show all posts
Showing posts with label work. Show all posts

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Hello Favorite


A tribute to the strongest family of faith I know. The Ludwinskis. Love you guys!

In honor and loving memory of my dearest and closest friend and brother, Erik Ludwinski, who wholly glorified his God with his body, in his faith, and through his character. He had battled Neuroblastoma three times in his life. With Jesus by his side, he made his final triumph and returned home to be with the Lord, February 9, 2010.

"This evening (Feb 9th) at 9:35 pm Erik went to be with the Lord. And we are so happy to know now that he is not in any pain, and he is walking, and breathing the sweet air of heaven. ~Lesa”

Erik Paul Ludwinski
February 9, 2010 - ∞

This video is his story in his own art, music, photographs and words.

For Erik's remarkable full story: http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/erikludwinski

History of the Nickname "Favorite":
My facebook is overcrowded and there were more than one Erik/Eric to scroll through in my friend list. Erik loved to prank me whenever i left my laptop by him and my facebook account was open. He would always change my profile status to the most ridiculous of things. (He has also done this to many of his other close friends too. i.e. Tab Sze). So when he found out that he wasn't the only Erik on my list, he playfully pouted and asked, "Heeyyy, exactly how many Eriks do you know?" To which i replied, "Now, now. Stop sulking. You are definitely my favoritest of Eriks." Started calling him that, and soon after shortened it to "Favorite".

Miss you, favorite.

- Phoebe

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

So, question.... (or Blonde Moments)

So...

I came to America, right? And landed myself some good friends. Two of them eventually hooked up. All of us still hangout, thanks to the fact that we all know each other. NO changes there. But i have two other friends who are still single, beside me. I know both of them are looking, but for the right one. I see that. But sometimes, i feel so selfish. I get so afraid that things will start changing among us as a group. I didn't realize that i was being very selfish by hanging out with them too much. Rob Mahto was giving a bible study about LOVE yesterday and Jesus is the ultimate example of a life that overflows with love. And here am i, a little afraid about some changes that are BOUND to happen eventually anyway. I can't stop life from happening. HOWEVER, I can stop my life from being self-seeking.

So...

Change Happens, right? Let it be! Change is growth. and Growth is good. Good friends are for always, and have no conditions, no excuses. We say this is a cliche, something we hear everyday. But are we truly listening? It will be a growing experience for all of us. I think I need to start opening up the circle, and invite MORE good Christian men and women into it. and Maybe,just maybe my close friends could find their soul mates through positive, and healthy interaction. One of my close friends told me that I am an initiator. I start things up, and they help me execute them. And they were talking about me setting up events for them to get to know more people. I struggled with this because i'm not exactly liking the idea of having to host 20 people all at once, all the time! I like the quiet 5. But now that i know they actually depend on me to organize things like these...what exactly am i doing with that? On the one hand, I felt a little sulky. Why on earth do I have to initiate this? on the other hand, Why am i NOT initiating activities and meetings that matter?! I feel like i visit with them and talk with them, whenever i NEED them (a shoulder to cry on, an ear to vent, a place to chill). What about what they need? What about what God wants from us? From me? To sort out my frustrations, What I need is a game plan.

So...

I'm thinking healthy interaction, right? And here are some ideas. To always remain as a group is a great idea. But what can we do as a group? I want to make sure there is opportunity for conversations. 1) Bible studies: It's always, ALWAYS a great idea to learn more about God, to grow together in our faith and to live out Daily Christ-like lives - lives that please God. 2) Coffee & Tea Sessions at Cantabria (Bemidji's Starbucks): That has always encouraged great get-to-know-you conversations. 3) Camping// Weekend trips: Short weekend campouts to learn cooperation and team work. 4) Volunteering: Maybe we should all sign up to volunteer to do something at an old folk's home, children's hospital, homeless program, soup kitchen, etc. This can encourage us to serve others, or at least constantly think about what we can do for someone else. 5) Picnics//Grill outs: Food and friends are always a great combo for convo. *chuckles* today's phrase that pays, that one. 6) ...

So...

I can't think of a sixth idea now, right? But it'll be okay. I feel like i am pretty set for at least the next couple of months. I've never had to worry about the relationships of my friends before. But since this is what has been brought up to me, and although i am as clueless as fogged up glass after a hot shower, I will take on this challenge. What they do with the opportunities created will be up to them entirely. Hero, we want to live out lives you can be proud of. Help us to live worthy of your calling and glory. Keep us dreaming up your vision, so that we won't walk aimless, egocentrical or dead.

Teach us to live.

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Final Photography Project

My Photo Essay!

Final Project for Photography 2009.

Thursday, April 2, 2009

The Alien Autistic

This is my latest assignment guys!





I am not happy with the text graphics during the poetry slam, but i totally lost hours of work when the software crashed on me. I was running out of time, so i decided to just do a mess of sample fonts/styles.

My professor just told me to keep working on it so that i can submit it for Fall's fargo's film fest. But he needs to check on competition rules and formats before we move ahead with this extracurricular project!

P/s i won another small scholarship. The first was from a Roy Blackwood. and now, i won something from Sullivan. I hope to hear from Milowski soon. Thanks Hero, for helping me find favor with the people behind the considerations.

Saturday, February 28, 2009

Light of Day - The Music Video

This is a Music video i made (filmed, edited) for a track/song i composed at a time when i had a lot of questions.

So yeah....
this is:
"Light of Day"
Music and Lyrics by Phoebe Lee Mathius

This turned into my assignment, and I presented it to class several days ago. Here it is... in it's full song-likeness and etcetera.

*chuckles* enjoy. and gimme feedback!

p/s it didn't really turn out the way i originally intended for it to look. but oh well, i finished it anyway, (a day before it was due) so i won't complain. haha.

CREDITS
Jon M. Chiaravalle
Sarah McKee
Samantha Sorenson
Katie Nelson
Tony Barber
Tim Roberts

Thanks for your time investments, ideas and flexibility. You were all great to work with!

and All gratitude is due to my hero. I love you.




Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Yay For Experiments!

The Moon is A Magnet by Jon Foreman



It's a little slow but only to go with the song! Great job, Tim and thanks for doing this with me. Let's hope my actual video assignment goes well. *fingers crossed for tonight*

Thursday, November 20, 2008

A Heart's Capacity : Phillip Napieralski

Another video assignment of mine. 3 minuter, this time. In this video, I'm interviewing music prodigy ;) Phillip Napieralski (a.k.a. Phil or even Philbo Baggins) who plays crazy crazy piano! check out his youtube channel to see what i mean! www.youtube.com/phasebeta

It will be time well spent, guaranteed. At basic, this is Phil's music journey and how he grew from it.

This is his heart's capacity.

Thursday, October 30, 2008

Video Assignments!

Hey here's my latest assignment, completed!

This video is basically my one minute feature story (an interview, really) of Timothy James Larson (whom i sometimes call Teej) who is an awesome TV Producer/Director for Lakeland Public Television.

I apologize for audio and image quality... it had to be compressed when uploaded! your feedback is appreciated.

Life and Times of Tim the TV Producer/Director


I have to learn to pan the camera better. Next time, i'll just use a tripod.

Sunday, August 31, 2008

Riding a Star.

Well, The Star Newspaper, at least -

*chuckles*The above is a cover article for Star R.AGE last week! I said a lot of things....but these were the stuff that made it on print!

Aside that, a supp video was also posted on The Star Online a couple of days ago:



Lemme know what you think! Because if you think that this sort of video content appeals to the youth of this generation, shout it out! The Star is waiting for the green light and will continue with its efforts if only you SAY something!

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

The Uncut

I got interviewed! So here's the scoop before it appears on print! ;) Not sure how much will be edited but, here's the uncut.

- when did u start playing music?

Broad question, this. I started playing music (piano, in particular), when I was 8 years old, but I'd already written my first song two years before. My mom knew basic chords on the organ (she never learnt music), and so I’d watched her ‘play by ear’ for the longest of times. Soon, the little rhymes I used to scribble on the corners of newspapers (and any other draft paper I could find) began to develop melodies and I could almost hear the music accompaniment in my head. Needless to say though, the end-product then, was horrid-sounding and poorly structured! (laughs) I’m not ashamed to say that these ‘experiments’ still go on to this day! I stopped piano lessons shortly after - when my teacher moved away. However, music was such a part of my life that I could never let it go. I kept abusing the poor black and whites, slowly teaching myself chords - as I was hopeless at reading notes. But as I progressed that way, so did my singing and songwriting. So, technically, I have no idea when I started this whole thing – it could’ve been when I was that timid 8-year-old who saw the piano as this intimidating monster with black and white teeth; or it could’ve been when I finally realized how badly I wanted music to fit into my future.

- who are ur biggest musical influences?

Yet another broad question! I wouldn’t say I’ve listened to much in my time – heck, I’m still pretty new to this (in comparison to the greats)! Seeing as I’m still discovering a sound that I’m comfortable with, I listen to a wide range of genres. But in terms of songwriting, one of my major influences would be Switchfoot, definitely. I’ve been into them since I was a wee 11 year old. My main reasons would be that their lyrics are weighty. They have a compelling story (or message) behind them - something I long to carry in my own compositions. They’re the kind of songs that you can get into at first listen, and yet at say, the tenth play, you’re still able to get that “eureka!” moment: jump up and go, “Gosh, that totally makes sense!” Other bands that have songs with weighty lyrics would be The Goo Goo Dolls, David Crowder Band, John Mayer, Lifehouse, Alanis Morisette and the likes. There are “quieter” profiles I listen to, whom I think are absolutely brilliant: Deb Talan, Ingrid Michaelson, Nizlopi (they’re pretty big in the UK), Jonatha Brooke, Damien Rice, Regina Spektor, KT Tunstall (before her fame). Aside that, I’m also quite hooked to several amazing one-hit-wonders of the ‘90s (namely stuff from The Verved Pipe, The Verve, LFO, Shawn Mullins, Semisonic, Toploader, Puddle of Mudd, etcetera) and as of late, I get my jazz fixes from Jamie Cullum, John Legend and Michael Buble! Jazz is hardly pretentious – most songs speak of life in candid thoughts; something I strive to achieve in my own music as well. I have more names to cough out but the artistes I mentioned so far are the stronger influences in Phoebe-orbit at present.

- describe your brand of music.

I can’t place a brand for my music per se. Not now, at least. I’m still discovering my sound. But recently, I’ve found myself dabbling more into acoustic stuff, especially for gigs. I doubt I’ll stay in this genre for too long though. What I see myself getting into is a fusion of funk, rock and acoustic sounds. My first few tries are going to be messy, but I intend to get there somehow!

- where do u get your inspiration to write music from?

Everywhere.

I write about my hero, my little brother (who is autistic), relationships, love and life. I write of dreams yet achieved, about a song I’ve listened to, a dead sparrow or of a weed surviving through a fine crack in concrete. I try to relate things I see to things I’ve experienced. I’ve noticed that, with me, there is always this constant search for perfection and its owner. So from that thought-flow, I tend to write a lot about ideals and how much we fall short. For example: Personified disappointment seems to be the raging theme with me now. (laughs) What I mean to say is that I prefer to see disappointment as a person. A person I can turn away from and move on. And, yes, I confess! In secret, some of the songs I write are therapeutic for me personally. Tapping from emotions of the past can be painful when writing a song, especially when you want so badly to grab the uncut moment. But it pays off when you can come up with a piece you can be proud of!

- can u tell us some of the most memorable moments you've had when performing?

I was singing for a youth camp last December and there were about 600 participants present. I really don’t know how to describe the feeling on stage – but to be able to see that many young people singing in unison (alongside me and my band) about our passion in life was AMAZING! Something I hope I will NEVER forget should I ever take on larger audiences.

- what is the local indie music scene like these days?

It’s hard to say. The indie music scene here has been thriving as of late. I’ve had opportunities to work with great singers and musicians – so I know the quality of the field is definitely higher. To those who haven’t tested the waters, don’t be too quick to judge. You will never believe the pool of talent we have these days! I would encourage any music lover to attend a local gig or two – you’re bound to come across somebody whose music you’d love! I’ve latched on to a couple myself!

On the flipside, we’re still lacking in platform - especially one to showcase talent to scouts or agents (in particular), depending on the nature of the event. The many events that have been held so far are great and all – but the musicians and performers come away from these, surviving solely on the love for what they do and little else.

Many claim that music is an art not many can master, and if you’re good at it, they say you’re “skilled”. But that’s where it stops. In the real world, when you’re good at what you’re doing, you land a great job coupled with high retribution at that! Not so in the music scene. Eventually, indifference gets the better of many indie musicians and we are literally driven to extinction (that, or migration)! I’m just really glad that we have such a high-spirited local indie scene at the moment, and I pray it carries on for the longest time to come! I’ve got to get my breakthrough from someplace, right? (laughs)

- do u see music as a viable career in the near future?

100%, yes! The battle doesn’t lie with the musicians and performers though. The true playmakers here are the audience! If you believe in someone’s work or music, go all out! Don’t stop at being star-struck! At the very least, we’ll be able to gauge how well a particular music artiste will do by (though not solely) the following it hordes. Seeing how much crowds are publicity in itself (let’s not even begin about the stuffed up roads that are caused by onlookers who drive by an accident site at the speed of a crawl), the band is bound to attract enough attention from the right places!

On the other hand, if we’re going to religiously put shows like Malaysian Idol out of business, out of sheer skepticism, our future in music is pretty bleak! Mistakes happen, we should move on! (Something I too, am learning to do without sulking.) (laughs)

Conclusion:

To those of you who’d like to take up music, I give you my wholehearted support! This may be a cliché but, when you get into the momentum, be the best that you can be! And even if you don’t turn out to be a virtuoso; at the very least, you would be able to recognize a good musician or performer when it comes to it. I haven’t had the opportunity to learn so much music, but the little I know has helped me to understand my dream and has helped me relate to people who make music their lifestyles. The music scene is a tough nut to crack. But working towards and achieving that breakthrough is the best part of the whole experience!

(Interview conducted by Ian Yee)

Friday, August 8, 2008

August 10th Approaches!

Tomorrow's the Day!

Our New Wave Worship Live Concert is Tomorrow Morning and I can't wait!

We've got several virtuosos, guest musicians if you will, coming down from Butterworth, Penang and Petaling Jaya, Selangor -- to help amp up the celebration!

Taking this opportunity to thank everyone for agreeing to do this with us:

-The Leo brothers, and close companions of Phinny, David and Desmond. They will be supporting us in the venerable guitarist and vocalist positions.
-The Goh siblings from UK/Butterworth. They will be presenting a short musical, as well as supporting us in the much needed violinist, syntherseizerist, and guitarist positions.
-Kevin Alphans from Taiping/Butterworth. He'll be our accoustic guitarist.
-The rest of the Taiping team. It is an honor to be serving alongside you guys!

Tonight there'll be a HUGE get together with all the musicians, and it is going to be SICK! (in every sense of the word!) Praying that we will gel as best we can come the end of the session. Covet your prayers as we step into this - that we will go forward fully knowing that this is all for our One and Only.

"Not to us, But to Your Name be the Glory."

But before the huge practice we're all gonna go fatten ourselves with unhealthy food, walk around lake gardens and the zoo, have tea by the park, talk ourselves to death - then head off to church to strain our voices and blister our fingers!

Glad everything's coming together nicely. Just like my 3m x 2m backdrop piece! Things are looking GREAT!

Wednesday, July 9, 2008

Phoebe Got Gig! (Update)

I'm performing again....

FEEDBACK Open Mic Sessions

Venue: Cloth&Clef
Address: #30, Jalan Changkat Bukit Bintang, 55100 Kuala Lumpur.
(on Changkat Bukit Bintang facing Frangipani)
Time: 9:30pm onwards
Date: 12th July, 2008 (Saturday)

It's featuring some of Malaysia's better music artistes; showcasing the likes of Rendra Zawawi, Reza Salleh and Ana Raffali. Come Support?


Cloth & Clef Page (Courtesy of KLue):
http://www.klue.com.my/venues/802-Cloth--Clef

FEEDBACK Open Mic Sessions Events Page on Facebook:
http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=522203114#/event.php?eid=18561148577&ref=mf

Of IQ tests and last days of work.

Here's a little humor to entertain you today.

I took a free IQ test!

Why did I do it? Because of my colleague, Lun.

Lun is at the far right. Next to me. On my left and in the grad-gown is Glenn. He graduated that Saturday. On his left is Hing, who left for National Service 2 weeks before. At the far left, is my glowing Boss, Catherine. She's due ANYTIME this month!

(Today's my last day of work here at TAR College. I'm going to miss everybody dearly.)

Anyway, back to matters at hand. *clears throat* Lun wanted to take a free IQ test. So I googled one for him and he sat for it. After he got his score, I thought, what-the-hey, and decided to take the test too! And my results were:

Quick IQ Test

And that means....


...I'd only JUST made it into the Gifted Category, nestling myself comfortably among the 2.3% of other gifted test takers. (According to their IQ Test Score Guide) Lovely space! *chuckles*

What a load of rubbish!

I must say though, I just whacked out at the math questions but scored at linguistics and visual-related IQ questions. This just goes to confirm that I am DEFINITELY more right-brained than left. *smiles*

You feel like taking it too? I'm sure you'd prolly do better than me, so by all means, go ahead!

http://www.free-iqtest.net

More updates later!

Monday, July 7, 2008

My Future Decided

Like i blogged a couple of months ago (and just to refresh memories here), I am going to the States....soon.

How soon?

That soon!

The countdown's begun and it is freaking me out. I have a little more than a month to visit/hangout/sleepover/talk/mamak with all my friends who can be available between now and take-off, chill with my family, and to pack, pack, PACK! Gosh.... just typing the word "PACK" already makes me feel exhausted! I've got a major pile of rubbish at my temporary abode in Wangsa Maju, and I hate the thought of having to fold everything up and bag it. Gah. The inanity of it all!

But oh well. Nothing has ever come easy and it's not about to start. I just have to grin and bear with, cause I have the most incredible future ahead of me. I just know it!

Ever grateful to my One and Only for paving the way for me to go overseas. You're so amazing. No words can describe how complete you make me feel, even in my times of fear, frustration and sorrow. The partial sponsorship was a pleasant surprise and just your way of encouraging me and I promise to do my bestest!

And the excitement continues to brew! My University application went by in a flash, so did my VISA. (Although it was quite a hassling process!) Even that has already been approved and my flight ticket's confirmed. There are people in Minnesota who are expecting me even! And me? I'm almost exploding!

So much to do, so much to say..... and hardly any time to do everything. I'll be away for two years, you see. Gotta make sure i leave a sizeable imprint on the lives of the people around me before i fly, less i return to a bunch of strangers! *laughs*

That's it for the Phoebe Show. Come back and look for updates!

Tuesday, July 1, 2008

More Writings

This happened awhile back actually. Some of my short fiction pieces have been featured on this website called:

http://555stories.com/

To read them or just browse through, click "Short Fictions" and scroll (middle scroller) all the way down to the bottom.

There should be a list of my stuff down there somewhere.



Alternatively, you can view the "text only" page, by clicking here:

http://555stories.com/phoebe.html

Disclaimer:
There are stories with elements of death and suicide merely because they were initially writing assignments for an english class. I just thought I've spent too much time on them and that it deserves a little public eye and critique. Feel free to browse and make comments!

Thursday, June 26, 2008

Urbanscapes@KLPAC

Phoebe is playing for the Open Mic Sessions this Saturday (28th June, 2008) at KL Performing Arts Center. I'll be up between 1:30 - 3:30pm. Come Support?

Check out the Event's Schedules here!
http://www.urbanscapes.com.my/images/schedule.jpg

How to get there?
http://www.urbanscapes.com.my/eventmap.html

General Details:
http://www.urbanscapes.com.my/

Facebook Group:
http://www.facebook.com/home.php#/group.php?gid=19551190811

Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Wearing a Mask

BEFORE
AFTER
An editting session.
Jumbled up a couple of filters on CS2.
So here's the before and after.
Just getting to know the darned software.

Monday, June 25, 2007

Lethargy

I woke up today feeling quite drained. Couldn't put my finger on it at first but managed to later. The exhaustion, unmistakable; the strain - specific.

Post Menstrual Syndrome. Gah.

My monday mornings are usually spent doing accounts for my father. It's not such a drag anymore cause i'd made a little spreadsheet form to help with the calculations, tabulations and equations. I never liked numbers, so after a little push from my best friend, i decided to put the few "Excel" formulas i had to good use. I've not regretted since.

However, the counting and the numbers are still horribly daunting and i do wish at times i didn't have to do it. So today, i decided to slack on work a bit. Leave the accounting for another day. Afterall, i had a perfectly good excuse, I thought.

"I'm suffering. Going through a severe case of post menstrual syndrome."

Big, fancy words.

Anyway, right after i decided to abstain from any mental or physical work today, I opened my little journal, penned some thoughts down. I usually did that to prepare myself for quiet time. To get myself into a more focused zone. When i was ready, I was going to flip over to a chapter in Psalms (I'm on this bout to finish the whole book) but a verse caught my eye.

Proverbs 6:6-11

6 Go to the ant, you sluggard;
consider its ways and be wise!

And then OF COURSE I had to go ahead and read the rest of it! Not unlike a spider's web waiting for a pathetic little phoebe-bug to fly gab-smack into it and get tangled up in it's shimmery grasp.

7 It has no commander,
no overseer or ruler,

8 yet it stores its provisions in summer
and gathers its food at harvest.

9 How long will you lie there, you sluggard?
When will you get up from your sleep?

10 A little sleep, a little slumber,
a little folding of the hands to rest-

11 and poverty will come on you like a bandit
and scarcity like an armed man.

What apt timing! I thought. The day i decided to be lazy, the day i claimed as my own, the day i succumbed to lethargy. I could've laughed it off. I mean, surely that happened out of pure coincidence.

I took this myself!

But even if it had happened coincidentally, I had too receptive a conscience to let it just flit by unattended. Just reading those verses made me disappear into my thoughts. And the thoughts never left me.

"Consider its ways and be wise."

I decided to just read up about ants then. And I learned a thing or two today from the ants, which is more than i ever thought i could. I'd always wondered about it before. I may have waved it off when i was younger, thinking that was all that was to it. That ants were hardworking cause it just worked its butt off till it died.

Browsing websites, this were some of the facts that i learned:

"The ants are to be admired for their discipline and for how each chore necessary for the successful running of the nest is assigned to various colony members, and for how these chores are meticulously carried out." Strike One!

"Sometimes when catastrophe happens, the ants respond quickly by adapting their duties to overcome the problem." I hadn't realized how human they were! Strike Two!

"The ants constantly educate their young, teaching younger ants the tricks of the trade." Strike Three!

"It has been estimated that an ant's brain may have the same processing power as a Macintosh II computer." And I was OUT!

Jokes aside, I decided that since i could let myself choose to play the sloth today, I could also let myself choose to be a little more productive and do what was needed of me. If I didn't do this, my dad would have to postpone his trip to the bank and tomorrow would end up a maddening rush of chores.

Lesson #1: Be disciplined and do what is needed of you today.

The ants could adapt themselves to situations, changing skills and duties to fit circumstances, responding quickly to any problem that arose. Instead of even trying to adapt to my tasks and chores to better suit the circumstances, i chose to not do it at all.

Lesson #2: Be flexible. Don't resolve to quit before you've even tried. Phoegure out ideas to best suit conditions.

Even the ants knew that educating th new generation was essential as the future of the colony depended on its continuity, whether it be tending their aphids (like cows), scouting for food, ensuring security, cleaning, etc.

Lesson #3: Teach somebody what i know so that they can take over when I couldn't do it anymore. This can also avoid unnecessary stress.

Eventually i realized, God was indeed speaking to me. In way i could never imagine. If i didn't update the accounts today, then nobody would; heaping more work for tomorrow on top of the errands and journeys I would have to make on Tuesdays anyway. At 6-ish in the evening, my tummy still kicking up a fuss, I began my accounts.

I found out that if i put enough pressure on my tummy, the pain subsides. So i set up my laptop on the floor, and layed with my tummy on a cushion and did the accounts that way the whole time. And it helped. A lot.

I also got my sister to stick around and explained formulas and instructed her as to how to utilize the spreadsheet form. She caught up pretty quick. So today's accounting session was memorable and somewhat more enjoyable to an extent.

I even had enough strength leftover to do a bit more for the church noticeboard and other small errands. I still feel invigorated and inspired. I'd best write a bit in my journal and turn in for now though. It is best not to run on borrowed strength anyway.

Oh by the way, how was your day?

Thanks for the extra fuel I needed, Lord.

Friday, June 8, 2007

Time Capsule

When i was in secondary school, I had a habit of stuffing keepsakes into a solid light blue box i bought at an S&J gift shop branch. It's been sitting in a huge cardboard packing box ever since we moved into our small bungalow. I dug it up today and opened it to look at the content. And i found this:

This was the last thing i put into my "time capsule". My work tag. From my first proper job ever. I worked in a medical-utilities production facility as a clerk, months after SPM. I reported to a lovely lady, whom i knew as Cindy and typed out, created and checked forms on a spreadsheet software. I've also had to scan pictures of packages and pictures of products and update the factory's database. People in there raise forms for everything: to suggest a rule, to change something, to put something in motion, etc.. So you can almost conjure up an imagery of the vast volumes of documentations one needed to complete in a day. Fun. Haha.

As an attempt to resume all manner of seriousness, I learnt a lot at my first job, actually. I gained experience, i learned to be orderly, i was afraid to be idle, and i earned my own money! All those great things helped me build up my confidence and self-esteem. A LOT. However, life being a bowl of cherries, you're bound to stumble across some bad ones. So amidst the fresh and sweet, I also learnt to be wary of the bad cherries. Friendships, for one. I grew distrustful of certain colleagues. It didn't help that they ransacked my things once, in attempt to find my salary letter from the Human Resource Department (this i find quite amusing to this day). I felt like i was in a literal soap theatre. The drama in the office was a little too overbearing.

I didn't have many like-minded friends there, i was the only person who was still in her teens in that department. Seventeen plus, to be exact. I turned eighteen whilst working there. I would have lunch all on my own, gobble up my food in 10 to 15 minutes and then return to my cubicle. I'd leave my bag in the drawer and lock it, then (and this part i looked forward to everyday) i'd take a long, nice walk around and about the facility. It really was huge. So everyday, I'd explore and discover some new part of the place, figure out a shortcut and head back to office. The walks really did me good. I remember now. *smiles*

So though this may come as no surprise to you, I'll admit it anyway. I resented my job a lot. I didn't know any better. I was young and felt in my spirit that i wasn't meant for a life in the cubicle, with stacks and stacks of documents in my inbox for company! I still believe that, come to think of it!

Nevertheless, I didn't know I had a choice to be happy in whatever i do. I didn't fully realize then, that when i said, "in EVERYTHING i do, i should do as unto the Lord", it meant just that. I didn't realize it covered my school activites, my job, my family life. EVERYTHING spiritual and seemingly UNspiritual. I hang my head in shame now just thinking about it, but I know i've grown some since then - and i'm still growing! *chuckles*

I remember being so glad on my last day. Silly me. But i do know that somewhere deep in, i did realize that i was much more better off and stronger character-wise because of the same job i had resented, the same job i had believed was the most horrible experience a girl could ever get, the same job i saw as an unfortunate circumstance ever to befall the likes of mankind.

Lord, you really know how to turn things around. *grateful grin*

Friday, April 27, 2007

Paper Aeroplanes

A couple of weeks ago, I was talking to my former band leader, Kelvyn Yeang. We were talking about the new songs I've been writing, and he told me that he was interested to "hear" what the lyrics sounded like. (I blog my new compositions and lyrics here.) So, I promised a quick demo with a bit of piano so that he can get a feel of what the music was supposed to sound like too.

Intermission: Kelvyn Yeang is the band leader of the very successful, Ocean of Fire. I used to sing for them back in 2005. Now, they're back to being an instrumental band. They secured a good second place in the Asian Beat finals this year (yes, that's against other asian countries) and Kelvyn won the "Best Guitarist" label. Well, deserved. Nevertheless, Ocean of Fire is still Asian Beat's Malaysian Champions. They bagged the Best Guitarist, Best Bassist, Best Drummer titles in the Malaysian Finals. And the only titles they couldn't attain were because they had no vocalist or keyboardist. No kidding. *smiles* By the way, if you, for some reason, prefer videos over audio convenience on their myspace sites, check out this awesome Ocean of Fire video then!

Kelvyn is a great moral support and encouragement when it comes to my music. He's always interested and this really motivates me to go on writing stuff. Needless to say, I've been pretty reclusive about most of my stuff till lately. (And that's thanks to my best friend. He gives the best pep talks!) I have this thing of belittling the stuff that i do or come up with, i tend to answer questions for other people, without giving them OR my work a chance. I'm slowly breaking out of that shell. Nudge me if you hear me going down that whirpool again. *smiles*

But I digress.

I'm supposed to be talking about my recent composition. So anyway, a couple of weeks after my promise, I officially have a sketchy recording (that i had trouble controlling at first) to give Kelvyn, or anyone really, a basic idea of how my song, "Paper Aeroplanes" should sound like. And it was fun. Seriously. I really can picture myself doing this for the rest of my life. This is one of the only things that i am really passionate about (after God).

This recording starts immediately at the first verse (which means it lacks an intro), goes heavy into the chorus as if the song had alreay built up and was ending (hence the many layers of vocals), and then ends abruptly mid-verse 2. If you, for some reason, were interested in listening to my one minute's worth "demo" track, go here.

To those who haven't frequented my Lyrics Blog much (you fall into the same category, if you didn't before know such a place existed), here are the lyrics to Paper Aeroplanes.

Paper Aeroplanes
(a work in progress...)
Music and Lyrics by Phoebe Lee Matthews

Verse I:
Paper aeroplane
it flies
i remain
and i'm left envious
wishing i
was engineered
to fly, to
disappear
to where there
are no fears
where i can
rest in knowing
you are near...

Pre-chorus:
i'm too afraid
of moving
i'm seeing red
instead of green
i'm feeling dead
though living
i'm moving straight
when i should be
turning...

Chorus:
How can i breakaway
when everything moves in a wheel
Can i just step ahead
when everything else lays so still
i need to get to you
before i lose sight of
everything hoped for
and everything yearned for
in...

Verse II:
paper aeroplanes
they unfold
yet i'm the same
i wish to be
that piece of white
heaving darkness to the light

Disclaimer: Yes, i played the piano and yes, i may suck like a vaccuum but this is just for people to get the basic idea of the song. The quality of the recording is not so good and i beg you not to give me a hard time about this. This song was also not meant for the piano entirely, but i can't play the guitar well....yet.

Thanks for bearing with. *salutes*