Bon appetit!

So we had a potluck at my office (International Program Center) on campus last Friday. And everyone was expected to cook something and bring it to share.

I, of course, defaulted to a Malaysian meal and did Tom Yam Fried Rice. (And it was amazing, might i just say. Dusts collar.)

We also opened the potluck up for any person who stepped into the office space. So a Malaysian undergraduate student, Pravin Namby, and an Indian graduate student Sudhir ate my fried rice and had awesome things to say about it. (I wasn't kidding when I said it turned out pretty awesome.) But nothing prepared me for what happened next.

About the same time Namby and Sudhir was in sampling food, in came an African student named, Ben Doso. After eating the tom yam fried rice, he asked if he could google something for me. I offered him my deskspace and watched intently over his shoulder as he typed,

"riz au gras."

... I kept watching as he navigated his cursor to the top of the Google Search Page he was on and clicked on "Images". "There, look," Ben said, pointing to the picture on the screen.

"That's Riz Au Gras," he said, smiling. "Doesn't it look similar to what you cooked?"

Wow, I thought. It really did. So i nodded and asked, "Does it taste anything like it though?"

"Yes, more or less," came the answer.

"So, what you ate just now was more or less french?"

Ben Doso nods, amused.

Meanwhile, within the skull of the Phoebe-Brain, my logic began to kick into gear.

Syllogisms
Premise 1: Tom Yam Fried Rice tastes like a french dish (Riz au Gras).
Premise 2: I can cook Tom Yam Fried Rice.
Conclusion: I can cook a French DISH!!!!

The realization seeped in slow. But it came, just the same. I had thought, the day I mastered the ways of the Shepherd's Pie, that that was probably as far as it got for me when it came to trying out international recipes.

But why work so hard, when homeland cooking resembles that of french cuisine? w00t!

By the by, Riz Au Gras is pronounced:
Riz = Rrhee
Au = Oh
Gras = Grraa

(the "r" sounds like a gurgle at the back of your throat)

I can cook Riz Au Gras. A FRENCH Meal. Hoho!
As Phua Chu Kang says (Character, Singaporean Sitcom), "Don't play-play ah...."

What have you learnt to cook recently? ;)

So, question.... (or Blonde Moments)

So...

I came to America, right? And landed myself some good friends. Two of them eventually hooked up. All of us still hangout, thanks to the fact that we all know each other. NO changes there. But i have two other friends who are still single, beside me. I know both of them are looking, but for the right one. I see that. But sometimes, i feel so selfish. I get so afraid that things will start changing among us as a group. I didn't realize that i was being very selfish by hanging out with them too much. Rob Mahto was giving a bible study about LOVE yesterday and Jesus is the ultimate example of a life that overflows with love. And here am i, a little afraid about some changes that are BOUND to happen eventually anyway. I can't stop life from happening. HOWEVER, I can stop my life from being self-seeking.

So...

Change Happens, right? Let it be! Change is growth. and Growth is good. Good friends are for always, and have no conditions, no excuses. We say this is a cliche, something we hear everyday. But are we truly listening? It will be a growing experience for all of us. I think I need to start opening up the circle, and invite MORE good Christian men and women into it. and Maybe,just maybe my close friends could find their soul mates through positive, and healthy interaction. One of my close friends told me that I am an initiator. I start things up, and they help me execute them. And they were talking about me setting up events for them to get to know more people. I struggled with this because i'm not exactly liking the idea of having to host 20 people all at once, all the time! I like the quiet 5. But now that i know they actually depend on me to organize things like these...what exactly am i doing with that? On the one hand, I felt a little sulky. Why on earth do I have to initiate this? on the other hand, Why am i NOT initiating activities and meetings that matter?! I feel like i visit with them and talk with them, whenever i NEED them (a shoulder to cry on, an ear to vent, a place to chill). What about what they need? What about what God wants from us? From me? To sort out my frustrations, What I need is a game plan.

So...

I'm thinking healthy interaction, right? And here are some ideas. To always remain as a group is a great idea. But what can we do as a group? I want to make sure there is opportunity for conversations. 1) Bible studies: It's always, ALWAYS a great idea to learn more about God, to grow together in our faith and to live out Daily Christ-like lives - lives that please God. 2) Coffee & Tea Sessions at Cantabria (Bemidji's Starbucks): That has always encouraged great get-to-know-you conversations. 3) Camping// Weekend trips: Short weekend campouts to learn cooperation and team work. 4) Volunteering: Maybe we should all sign up to volunteer to do something at an old folk's home, children's hospital, homeless program, soup kitchen, etc. This can encourage us to serve others, or at least constantly think about what we can do for someone else. 5) Picnics//Grill outs: Food and friends are always a great combo for convo. *chuckles* today's phrase that pays, that one. 6) ...

So...

I can't think of a sixth idea now, right? But it'll be okay. I feel like i am pretty set for at least the next couple of months. I've never had to worry about the relationships of my friends before. But since this is what has been brought up to me, and although i am as clueless as fogged up glass after a hot shower, I will take on this challenge. What they do with the opportunities created will be up to them entirely. Hero, we want to live out lives you can be proud of. Help us to live worthy of your calling and glory. Keep us dreaming up your vision, so that we won't walk aimless, egocentrical or dead.

Teach us to live.

Final Photography Project

My Photo Essay!

Final Project for Photography 2009.

To you.

There's a whole lot to me than what i tend to let surface. One cannot truly engage in conversations of desires and identity out of hues of blue. One waits for the right time. And that time did not come. Perhaps it never will.

There's not much you or I need to know about who i was, who i am or who i want to be - because i am not defined by all that -- not even by my name. not anymore.

My name does have some form of bearing to my life and legacy here on earth. But what is in a name? Countless times i've failed it's meaning. Countless times i've acted adversely out of spite, immaturity and folly. What is my name? Do I really want it to matter to you? You, who've walked with me through all shapes of my sorrow and grief. and you, who've shared my laughter in times of childishness. Or you, who've sat with me under the tree of imagination and dreamed of higher heights no human have yet tread.

My identity now lies in someone more wonderful than I. He gave so much to be with me. So i choose him. And he will always take precedence in my life.

So no, i'm not interested in any other person, any external relationship, any developing bond that may threaten to sever this budding tie and usher me into distraction, into the comatose.

I cannot yet engage myself in another. Not till i'm ready. Not yet, not now. For i have awakened from twilight's tight grasp and have now seen the sun at the end of that tunnel. I will not turn back. You can't make me.

True, i may meet someone on my way out of that tunnel. But it is not Now. And you are Now. Therefore, things cannot be.

There's just very little time. Too little, in fact. It's too early for me to be wandering about sorting issues of companionship.You'll find someone who is and will be ready for you.

But i am not. I come through those doors later. You finish before me.We are still running our races simultaneously. But Parallel and not Together. You will always be a cherished brother.

Fret not. Our hearts are made up of more than just cells and tissues, and it pumps and works with more than just blood or its platelets.

I can only hope you understand, dear old friend. I can only hope.

Sincerely,
Phoebe Lee Mathius
p/s Phoebe : radiance

Light of Day - The Music Video

This is a Music video i made (filmed, edited) for a track/song i composed at a time when i had a lot of questions.

So yeah....
this is:
"Light of Day"
Music and Lyrics by Phoebe Lee Mathius

This turned into my assignment, and I presented it to class several days ago. Here it is... in it's full song-likeness and etcetera.

*chuckles* enjoy. and gimme feedback!

p/s it didn't really turn out the way i originally intended for it to look. but oh well, i finished it anyway, (a day before it was due) so i won't complain. haha.

CREDITS
Jon M. Chiaravalle
Sarah McKee
Samantha Sorenson
Katie Nelson
Tony Barber
Tim Roberts

Thanks for your time investments, ideas and flexibility. You were all great to work with!

and All gratitude is due to my hero. I love you.

I cried.

I'd just gotten off from a sob fest.
('twas only for a few seconds, but still.... i never knew i was capable of being such an emotional girl.)

I never knew i would have it in me to just burst into tears, gab-smack in the middle of a song - with no warning too.

well, there was SOME warning. it was this swelling swirl in my chest that grew and grew and ...I never could tell what it was. When it finally peaked, out came niagra falls!

(I laugh sheepishly at myself as i type this. and some of you may even be having a field day with this.)

but what you need to know is that there are several causes to this [phoe]nomenon, of course.

one must first look at the song that i was listening to.

The song had caused me to feel this burdened sense of nostalgia... i remembered listening to it during a certain tough period of waiting and direction in my life. And it's a wonder how far I've come. How God led me through, step by step, phase by phase...word for word.

As i listened, what i experienced for the most part, was the feeling of relief that that time has already past. And that there was nothing to fear. But on the other hand, I've also been feeling burdened for the future. What specifically, i do not know...yet. A spiritual battle, really. But my hero, i know, will be there to save the day! No matter how battered or wounded we are from the battle, I know i will see him riding towards the bloodied field with the strongest army you will ever live to see!

Yes, I see a storm cloud looming up ahead. And i cannot help but feel my heart sinking; remembering the last time i've had to go through this. But the sunlight is still reflecting its intensity on my sword, the battle is still raging. We WILL grow from this. Whatever it is. Whatever that is coming.

My hero, lover and friend has made me ready. I await with bated breath.

Oh, Phanuel!

My little autistic brother, whom i love so ever, ever MUCH, has found a new craze!

Check it out! It's adorable!



Remember how he loves dinosaurs and animated cartoons? Well, this is perfect for him! Although my younger sister, Parmena, thinks it's annoying. I can see how it can be for us "grown-ups". Or rather, should we call ourselves "growING-ups"?

Can we ever fully achieve maturity? I say, no.

Love you, Phanuel. You'll be one of the greats someday, leaving behind an amazing legacy for the world to exemplify!

Got a Date For Val's?

I do.

*smiles*

When Wednesday Met Thursday

Darkness.
...was all I could see when Wednesday met Thursday. My timepiece indicated an incredibly foreign hour of the morning. Couldn't really understand my body's enthusiasm to meet the day. Neither could i comprehend why an ingenius and divine concept, such as sleep, could ever be this elusive. Pure in-

Sanity.
...is what I have in moderate amounts these days. A shame, that. 'Tis sanity that keeps most of us afloat, even in the most deplorable of conditions. And this very same trait, I lack. Retarded, i seem to be, for the better part of the day; and all thanks to the tiny men at war in my already delirious grey matter. Why all the strife, you ask? I'll never really know for sure, but i have some -

Ideas.
...Conformity, for one. To feel safe, to belong and all that balderdash. We've been taught to follow things blindly and we've all wound up stuck in waist-deep sludge. I sullenly watch as my fingers drummed the table in an unsettled fashion. Still uncertain. Did the muck around me ooze out from my very own pores? Or was it just there all along, waiting innocently for some poor cretin to step in it, yell a string of inaudible curses - break into melancholy song ( i.e. Nobody Knows The Trouble I've Seen) and contemplate suicide simultaneously, whilst painfully submerging into the bottomless, tar-like puddle at a disgraceful rate of one centimeter per minute? Either way, I only have myself to blame for being here. Nevertheless, everything in me, the very essence that survives me, cries out to escape the System, to be my own person, to be contrary; different to the reeking normalcy of today's stale-tuna-sandwich culture. Tiny men at war in my head. Conformity Vs. Individuality. The bugle has sounded. The battle is -

ON.
...The bold word returned my blank gaze. I'd been fumbling around in the dark and a bump or two later, the lights had flickered on, swallowing the darkness that once engulfed my personal space. I remained in the deafening silence, eyes still getting accustomed to the shocking brightness that now illuminated every nook and cranny. My finger, still on the switch, lay motionless; frozen-like; as I stood stupefied at the single-syllabled word: ON. Right below was it's regal antonym, in similar print. OFF. ON.

OFF.
ON.

...How feeble our faith. How feeble our lives. How great the Creator.

OFF.

ON.
OFF.

Darkness.
... was all I could see when Wednesday met Thursday, and when Thursday met Friday, when life met death, when train met tunnel. Just spaces void of -

Light.
... was all I could see as the tunnel approached its end - when life met eternity, when men met God.

-Written in 2006
-By Phoebe Lee Mathius

Yay For Experiments!

The Moon is A Magnet by Jon Foreman



It's a little slow but only to go with the song! Great job, Tim and thanks for doing this with me. Let's hope my actual video assignment goes well. *fingers crossed for tonight*

[GOOGLE] Your Name

RULES:
Go to Google and type in your first name and the phrase all in quotes. Copy and paste the first sentence/phrase you get that makes sense. KARL EDIT: Or actually, you can choose the funniest one in the first 5 results, or if it's hopeless the first 10. Because this is supposed to be funny.

Q: Type in "[your name] needs" in the Google search.
A: "PETITION" Phoebe needs to use her powers more!
Phoebe Note: I KNOW!!! Right? ;)

Q: Type in "[your name] looks like" in Google search.
A: Phoebe looks seriously wacky with her giant cheeks and ’surprised’ look.
Phoebe Note: Yeah, i really should work on that.

Q: Type in "[your name] says" in Google search.
A: Like other phoebes, the rusty-bellied Say's Phoebe is common around people, often nesting on buildings. A bird of open country, it is found from Alaska through Mexico.
Phoebe Note: I know it's out of context, but it's so cool that there are other phoebes! They're winged! *laughs* (The other one was boring. Says no to smoking or something like it. Although, naturally, i would say something boring like that. *Hmms aloud*)

Q: Type in "[your name] wants" in Google search.
A: Phoebe wants some turkey Video on AOL Video.
Phoebe Note: Rrrright. I could always use some turkey. I found this first on the list on the second results page. The first page mainly covered the romance novel "What Phoebe Wants" by Cindy Myers which i found to be amusing....somewhat.

Q: Type in "[your name] does" in Google search.
A: In 1984, Phoebe does Gremlins.
Phoebe Note: *laughs hysterically* (obviously it's referring to the actress Phoebe who acted in Gremlins.) But before i lose credibility here, i personally like this other one, "Phoebe does not seek for glory." Nevertheless, for the benefit of your attention spans and for the sake of lousy humor - Gremlins stick.

Q: Type in "[your name] hates" in Google search.
A: Phoebe says she hates PBS because it reminds her of the miserable days when her mother watched Sesame Street on it before committing suicide.
Phoebe Note: Ruh-ruh-Randooommm! An episode of F.R.I.E.N.D.S. obviously.

Q: Type in "[your name] asks" in Google search.
A: Phoebe asks Joey to give her away at her wedding.
Phoebe Note: but the next one was crazy! "Ask Farmer Phoebe. Urban organic gardener - Playing in the dirt is my passion!"

Q: Type in "[your name] likes " in Google search.
A: Phoebe Likes bugs and Springflowers!
Phoebe Note: Cause she's such a happy person!

Q: Type in "[your name] eats " in Google search.
A: Phoebe eats starfruits and BLATs.
Phoebe Note: What's a BLAT? [Googles] "BLATS : Built-Up Low-Cost Advanced Titanium Structures" Aieee.

Q: Type in "[your name] wears " in Google search.
A:Phoebe wears bells around her neck, she is a deep piled lovely plush Charlie Bear.
Phoebe Note: What on purple earth?!

Q: Type in "[your name] was arrested for" in Google Search.
A: Phoebe was arrested for shoplifting.
Phoebe Note: Hey, the first google search required me to use my powers more-- Don't judge.

First Day of School

A poem I found on YouTube earlier this year... I came across it by accident then, and i stumbled upon it yet again today. It pulled up so many fond memories....I absolutely love this one. but then, all good videos are most pleasant when least expected.

smile.

Our first snow.

Dearest,

Pretend those are your feet, and that the crunching snow I heard beneath my feet, were what you heard.

This is our first snow.

Merry Christmas, sweetheart!

With love,
Phoebe Lee Mathius
(Your sister who loves you very very much!)

Gig Off!

Sorry, guys!

Organizers have just informed me that the Menara See Hoy Chan gig has just been postponed to a possible date in October!

I've lost many a gig to evil October, actually: Missed a half hour show at No Black Tie, and now this.

Meanwhile, the excitement of my takeoff continues to brew!

You'll hear from me when things look a little less dull. *laughs*


Bummer.

Of IQ tests and last days of work.

Here's a little humor to entertain you today.

I took a free IQ test!

Why did I do it? Because of my colleague, Lun.

Lun is at the far right. Next to me. On my left and in the grad-gown is Glenn. He graduated that Saturday. On his left is Hing, who left for National Service 2 weeks before. At the far left, is my glowing Boss, Catherine. She's due ANYTIME this month!

(Today's my last day of work here at TAR College. I'm going to miss everybody dearly.)

Anyway, back to matters at hand. *clears throat* Lun wanted to take a free IQ test. So I googled one for him and he sat for it. After he got his score, I thought, what-the-hey, and decided to take the test too! And my results were:

And that means....


...I'd only JUST made it into the Gifted Category, nestling myself comfortably among the 2.3% of other gifted test takers. (According to their IQ Test Score Guide) Lovely space! *chuckles*

What a load of rubbish!

I must say though, I just whacked out at the math questions but scored at linguistics and visual-related IQ questions. This just goes to confirm that I am DEFINITELY more right-brained than left. *smiles*

You feel like taking it too? I'm sure you'd prolly do better than me, so by all means, go ahead!

http://www.free-iqtest.net

More updates later!

From Vincent

The SleepOver Aftermath.

Thanks Vincent.
You're the coolest 21 year old I know.

True Malaysian

There is a rat infestation around my apartment area - leaving me most grateful that i live on the fourth floor. (Before, it's just been me grumbling all the way up those bleeding steps.) HOWEVER, this isn't the story.

We have about three regular domesticated felines royally parking their soft, fuzzy behinds outside our doors and on the steps; patrolling the pavements of my block with dainty, annoying paws. You'd think... (yes, YOU!) You'd at least THINK they'd serve as a comfort somewhat; well, simply leaning full-body-weight onto the very logic that cats eat rats. (Garfield is a slob. Not counted.)

But for the benefit of my readers who got sidetracked by that Garfield comment, let's just say that again.

CATS eat RATS.

LIES! All of it!
For I, Phoebe Lee Mathius, have with mine own eyes, beheld the very treachery of the feline-moronic-beings. They betray us! They betray us!

Here! My account of the atrocious crime:

We had just arrived at the foot of our building, my sister and i, and were walking through the Rat Crossing alley. (We've named it that now as it is not uncommon for us to see up to 3 FAT rabid, crusty-furred rodents running by; one of them randomly looking up at us with a quick "hello-how-do-you-do" nod, before heading off their merry way, disappearing into the deep, deep darkness - leaving very little trace of their pilgrimage. Some claim to have seen the tiny, glowing halos hovering over their heads.)

*Skin crawls*

Seeing as we almost always bump into a rat or two at the Crossing, we usually stop to wait for the demonic creatures to pass (not unlike waiting to cross the road). But today, hoho, today! When we came upon the Crossing, there were two cats by us (it was a very busy freeway that night, you see)! We looked at each other, my sister and i, and declared (telepathically, of course), "Today, we will triumph over all rodent-kind! Death to the Rabid Rodents!...

....DEATH!"

And we watched and watched in earnest, as the cats approached the Crossing. To our already miserable and unfortunate existence, (or in other words - utter, utter ... bewilderment) (some may even refer to this as an "out-of-body experience"), they STOPPED! They stopped to wait. Just like we did! As if there was a bleeding traffic light hanging somewheres, and it had just turned bleeding RED! Gah!

As the three RATS (perhaps the very same ones) ran by, wagging their insulting tails behind them, I squatted by a brown-gold like feline and with pleading eyes, begged: "Do as you have been destined! Go! I charge thee! Let there be a massacre! Let today be written on the history books of Rodentdom forever! Let there be....

....BLOOD!"

All to no avail.

I hung my head in shame, for all felines, that night. And as we walked through the Crossing, I turned to my sister and mumbled in my bereavement, "Apparently, in this new era, cats and rats live in peace and harmony..."

My little sister pats my back in act of consolation and said to me that night what i believe to be true words of wisdom. Wisdom beyond her years.

"They be true blue Malaysians."

Ya heard?

Random Conversation

I went to the next building to buy myself some thick, gooey mango juice.

PersonSellingJuice: What can I get you?

HappyPhoebe: Ice blended Mango Juice!

PersonSellingJuice: With Ice?

BlurPhoebe: ....

And mind you, THIS he did on two separate occassions, weeks apart. I thought it was blurness the first time, or him just making sure of the order; but now...

Reality Check

Hey, broken pride
Did reality and nightmare finally coincide?
did you ever imagine that the day we died,
I'd never, never be his bride?

O dream, short-lived!
Each breath, you sting!
Why were we convinced? I believed!
How did we end up a blasphemous fling?

Butter fingers, butter fingers
how quickly our hearts intertwined, released
Its desperate final grasps of hope
nothing lingers, nothing lingers
Broken pride, I'm dead! Are you pleased?

Are you pleased NOW? Or am I?
Now, in thick darkness,
I grope...
I hope...
you DOPE!

MEND! I charge you! Mend!
You broken thing of the past!
My hatred, my friend.
You shattered thing in my rib-cage
Barely beating; barely.....barely AGED!
Mend! I charge YOU!!!!

You're bigger than this, I tell you.
You're stronger than this!
Love as you perceived it was pure bliss
But where are we now? What is this?
WHAT IS THIS?

Foolish, foolish
broken pride.
Foolish, foolish, foolish.

Wearing a Mask

BEFORE

AFTER
An editting session.
Jumbled up a couple of filters on CS2.
So here's the before and after.
Just getting to know the darned software.